


Lost in Hell

by PeachyKiku



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22649824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachyKiku/pseuds/PeachyKiku
Summary: When passion becomes obsession, Angie won't know when to stop, forcing her mind in something too big for her to comprehend.Charlie is at her side, companion in crime but also best friend, and will do everything to protect her dream, because she had the guts to go for it.When Angels and Fallen Angels seem too distant yet too close, what will they do?
Relationships: Original Character & Original Character, Original Character(s)/Original Character(s), Original Female Character & Original Male Character, Original Female Character(s)/Original Non-Human Character(s), Original Female Character/Original Male Character





	1. Prejudice

_ Thursday _ _ , 25 _ _ th _ _ August _

_ Fallen Angels: Where to Find Them _ _.  _ The title was staring at me more than I was at it. I raised an eyebrow towards the girl at the other side of my laptop monitor.

“Have we finally reached this point? No more fiction ?” Her hazel pupils turned into puppy eyes as I  kept  looking at  her. “Don’t look at me like that, what do you want?”

“I  wanna meet one, Charlie. That’s what I want. I read too much and just want to meet a real one, you know.” She clasped her hands together to beg me.

“How do you even know they exist?” She shrugged, and I rolled my eyes over.

“How do you know they don’t?” She backed at me, holding my stare.

“Fair enough. So?” I closed the laptop in front of me. The small club room was just cleaned, the books in alphabetical order filled the bookshelf on both the long walls of the space, while under the window a table, a small fridge and kettle helped us survive the afternoons. As the only members we had no problem with undesired guests and could talk about the weirdest stuff. Like Angie fantasizing over hot supernatural dudes.

“Tonight. The woods behind your house.”

“What? ” I stood up to put back  some books left on the table used for referencing.

“ Look. I have no idea either, alright? Little steps: first we search our surroundings for  hints.” She put her hands in the air, like  the innocent  human being she wasn’t.

“Next?”

“ D on’t know. Look for  hella hot looking guys .” I sat back and  placed my elbow s on the table,  covering my face with one hand.  _ Damn, Angie, why do I even listen to you? _ __

“What have  I  done wrong?”

“Join my writing club. Listen to me. Fantasize about Fallen Angels.”

“Wait. The last one is only you.”

“Anyway. I know there might not be any around here. But let me dream and try. I actually have someone in mind. ”

“Yeah, yeah alright. Wait, what? You think someone is? ”

“Well, yes. It’s not like they hide. They’re people like us, so of course... I fantasize.”

“Now I want to know.”

“I knew in the end you wanted as well.” I glared at her. Of course, if I was listening and agreeing to her plans I was interested. She took a small folder from her bag and placed in the middle.

“Why are you making it look like it’s serious stuff?”

“It is serious. So, who would you think could be a fallen angel?” What a question, like I had a list like her.

“Like hell I know. It could be everyone , good or bad. Could be hiding its true nature or ignoring it, maybe it doesn’t even know it is one.” She  waved my finger in front of my face, a silent  _ no _ .

“Like you’d ignore the fact you’re immortal in this world. We’re talking of  _ fallen _ , Charlie. Someone with a dark aura, appearance, but of course good looking.”

“Just spit that name, will you?”

“ Mash .” My face was a question mark.

“Who?”

“Charlie! What do you mean  _ who _ ? He sits right behind you in like all lessons, he’s in my god tier of good-looking guys. I know you’re not  _ that _ into guys, but-“

“Hold your tongue. I’m interested in guys; I just don’t fantasize of a sexual life with each one of them.” She was the one to raise an eyebrow at me this time.

“That’s just details. I can’t believe you haven’t checked Mash! He moved last year in the dormitory and I’ve never seen him talking kindly to any girl, he always stays on his own, I can’t even say if he has a friend. I think the only guy I saw with him often is Eliot, but that guy is a pure angel, too kind to ignore that poor lonely Mash. He probably just pities him.” Too detailed for being a simple class mate.

“Did you become a stalker?”

“I just observe, honey. I like to talk and know people, what’s wrong with it? Maybe you should stick your head out more  often from this room, and your house. Why not move to the dormitory?”

“Why should I when I have my home close and all the privacy in the world?” I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest . I didn’t want to share any thing with people at school, I didn’t trust anyone.

“Can I stay over tonight?” There she was, I knew she actually enjoyed my place. She liked the dormitory, being with other people and have fun until late, but my place was only ours.

“Of course. So, tonight we just wander in the woods?  I don’t feel that comfortable, it’s quite scary.”

“I’ll protect you! No one will touch you,  don’t worry!” I laughed at her confidence.  The woods behind my small house were very nice to walk around at day, but I never had the chance, or though, to go there at night.

~~~

“Is Mash your new target then?” As we walked the trail behind  my house to enter the woods, I took the discussion of that afternoon back.

“He looks so mature, you know. And if I think he could be a fallen angel, even just in my head, it makes me excited!” She swung her flashlight in the air and I chuckled. “He’s not that tall, to be honest, but I just want to get to know him. He’s  always rude to everyone and I really want to get to know his tender side.”

“ What if he doesn’t have one?” I asked. Some people were bad to the bone. He could be a bad choice for such a cheerful Angie.

“We all have one, maybe he like s cute kittens. I can be his and purr all over him.”

“Angie!” I suddenly scuffed a scream.

“What?” She innocently looked at me by the corner of her eyes. I didn’t want to know her sexual affairs, at all.

“I’m going back home.” I stopped. At the back of my head a small thought was rising again, like that afternoon. Was going in a forest at night a safe thing? There had never been any news about anything strange in the neighbour, but I never called myself brave. In reality, everything could scare the hell out of me. But what if fallen angels were real? And really being creature of the night that meet in secret in unknown places? It’s a thing me and my best friend shared for our teenage years, why not try to get some real answers? If not, we’ll just go back to fantasize.

She grabbed my hand in hers, pulling me towards the blackness.

“You’re not. We’ll just get to the bank of the river and look around, it’s close and you  know it.”

I rolled my eyes back as I tighten myself in the light jeans jacket. It was still warm at night, but summer was ending  soon, and the light wind was the proof. I stepped onward as I heard a twig snap behind us. I turned suddenly, breath stuck in my lungs.

“Well, what was that?” Angie on my side was way calmer than me . She jerked the flashlight around us, but shrugged.

“There’s nothing Char, probably some birds.” And she kept her pace. I sighed when I saw the riverside coming into sight, half of that night excursion was finally done.

I sat on a tall rock near the water. The  night light was dime, a blue greyish glimmer reflecting on  the water, creating beautiful shades . M aybe coming here wasn’t that bad, at least I got a nice inspiring view for my next drawing and  I wasn’t alone to fear it.

“So, what now?” I asked as I looked around us, trying to remember lines and shape to then recreate them on paper the next day. The water was calm, the wind slightly scattering leaves on the surface.

“Now we wait.” She strolled around me, looking as something was actually there, but the silence of the night was ear breaking. We wouldn’t find anything here, even if a branch snapped, it was nature itself.

“Ah? Angie, I have morning lessons and work tomorrow, I need to sleep.”

“Just five more minutes, mom.”


	2. Eliot

_ Friday, 26 _ _ th _ _ August _

Tall, dark, handsome. Was that it? Well, at least for Angie.

Yes. Mash was tall, but not extremely. Eliot was a  good  challenge.

Dark? Absolutely yes. Barely speaks, his relatively short dark chocolate hair was spiking on top of his head and framing his eyes in soft loose curls, but I did wonder if he ever combed it. His eyes matched the hair, but with a weird spark was hidden underneath. Maybe contacts? I did wear them indeed, nothing to be ashamed of, just a little shy to show a nerdier side of me. Something was off with his pupils, but I had not met his stare or looked closely to confirm anything. And I wasn’t sure I actually wanted that, sounded too risky.

I bet the total black look helped the dark feature gain its title. I wondered for a moment how he would look without his clothes. But I knew he was thick: his boarded but well-proportioned shoulders with the rest of the body. Arms and legs were everything I could take a look at.

For handsome? How could I say no. I didn’t have a type of male I was interested in , but  objectively  he was  hella good looking. His jawline was smooth and at a sharp v  angle, all shapes at the right place. I wondered how he smelled like , or how his skin felt like at touch; the colour was fair, but a nice, healthy shade. No wonders Angie though he was a fallen angel , he ticked all the boxes in her fantasy list.

But then, wouldn’t many people be? He wasn’t the only one who would give this impression, another reason I guessed I never checked him out, but now Angie was apparently head over heels about this guy. Under my eyes, he would blend with everyone. But a small voice in my head was telling me Angie was in her heat season. Or maybe I was the blind one and had a sexual restriction problem. No one ever turned such a switch in me, maybe I was the boring one. But if Angie was happy to get to know Mash, I wouldn’t intercept that. Of course, as I didn’t know him well enough, actually, not at all, I couldn’t recommend him or not, but at the end the choice was hers to make. She was a vaccinated adult and I didn’t want to have anything to do with her sexual or romantic life, she could take care of herself. But a little part of me wished I had the same motivation to explore romantic and sexual life myself.

I sighed and lifted my head from the desk, stretching my legs underneath. I had to be awake and active to survive tonight shift at work . In the end Angie didn’t make me stay up all night, but half of it , and it was still heavy on my eyes. I opened my sketchbook to scribble yesterday night view, at least I had some material, now I just had to find where to place a subject, mostly an angel, like always. I drew the water lines, creating a whirl of softness to recreate the easy attitude of the current. I sketched the rocks and trees with simple shapes, reminding myself to scan it digitally later.

Morning lessons were always the worst, I couldn’t get my brain to wake up in time and I always ended remembering only the last half of the lectures, luckily I’m used to take notes of everything, so I’d just need to get a second read to  connect the arguments. At times like this, I wished I liked coffee enough to drink it to keep me away from the zombie status I was most of the day. It’s not that I couldn't drink coffee, I just never really tried it, but I couldn’t bring myself to drink something that smells so bitter to me, I’m a sweet person.

I slowly paced to the cafeteria to meet Angie, who was lucky to have an afternoon lesson, so I let her sleep in this morning. When I sat down, I was already spacing out again, maybe I should go have a walk once and see that place with sunlight, try to get the feeling of the place to portrait better.

“Are you still asleep?” Angie voice  sent me back to earth as she took the place in front of me.

“You know it’s all your fault, right? If I make any mess tonight, I’m saying it’s your fault. Had a good sleep?”

“ Mh , as always. Though I’m quite sad about yesterday.”

“What were you expecting? We just blindly went out looking for we don’t even know what.”

“Maybe I need to  think about it deeper, find some suitable places, and time.”

“ Wh -what? How are you supposed to guess where are them? And why do you even think they’ll be strolling around like that?”

“Maybe I just need to  lower my chances and look for messages between the lines.”

“What are you even talking about right now? Hey, are you listening to me?”

She smiled at me, her innocent face glowing up as she sipped on her coffee cup. “I got it.  It’s research time today.”

“You’re ignoring me aren’t you...”

“Don’t worry! I’ll find them! ” 

I still couldn’t get over the idea of how she  switched from “I wish I could screw a fallen angel” to “I’m  gonna screw a fallen angel” but , what were we even talking about?

Supernatural creatures? Angels? Fallen angles? What were they? How could we actually connect them to the real-world we mortals were living in? I understood everything as we kept all our thoughts and fantasies just as they are, but thinking that all those things were actually  _ real,  _ that made my head spin a little. Then again, I knew one day this would happen. Of course, we were both too interested in learning if anything we read and create could exist in this world, but we also were ready to accept and swallow the boring reality we live in. The show needed to start at some point, and it did. I didn’t want to bring Angie down with my too realistic talks, but I couldn’t stop it. I just wished she was telling the truth and something exciting would happen in my life. Like a fallen angel. A guardian angel. A demon is fine too. A seraph? Too mighty I guessed.

I spent the afternoon revising th e morning lesson and digitalising my sketch in the  small club Angie and I were able to reserve for the length of our studies , a small and private  space for our brain to storm out the weirdest fantasy stories.  I lifted the pen from the small graphic tablet, the screen of the laptop now showing more refined black lines from the pencil ones of the image underneath. I deleted the back layer and started adding details to the  new digital canvas.  A  small rap  took me back to reality.

“Charlie?” A soft male voice  came  from behind the wooden door and I smiled .

“Come in.” I put down the pen and went for the kettle to warm up some water to make some tea. A break would only appeal me. As the door opened I glanced at my back, recognizing the gentle golden curls on the head of my childhood friend, Eliot.

“What’s up?” I asked pouring water in two  mugs , dropping some sugar in mine. He sat on my place and I took his side . He looked at the laptop screen and grabbed the pen, ready to add more to my drawing.

“Nothing particular. I had nothing to do and knew I would find you here. I’ve been so busy lately with preparing for the first exams I just want to re lax today. You work tonight? ” I nodded as he dashed a dark purple brush stroke to the sky. 

“Yes, though I’m already tired , I need some extra sugar. I would had put a dark blue or grey.”

“ Mh , I like the grey idea . I was going for a dreary feeling . ” He changed colour and added a veil of low opacity grey, highlighting some clouds. “Won’t it fit the theme better?”

“How do you know what theme is it?”

“It’s not like you have many.” I snorted: he knew me. “So, where is it going?”

“Naked in the water of course.” He burst in a laugh while passing the pen and tablet to me, taking one of the mugs. I smiled at him changing to a chalk to draw the silhouette. I wasn’t kidding.

“ For once you surprise me.”

“Well, I’m offended.” I stared at him while he sipped, studying my drawing. His soft face features contracting when he drank the still hot tea, but his big round and bright green marine eyes locked on my hand as I drew a slim but fit form emerging half waist up from the water. It was facing three quarter the background, most of the back towards the viewer. Of course, wings were the part I wanted to focus more. Apparently a break wasn’t what I really wanted. His thin lips curled up when he realized what I was about to draw.

“Now comes my favourite part. What wings will you do?” I met his eyes, my pen on my lips. I hadn’t thought about it yet, what would fit the best this now dark sky?

“I’m not sure. I thought white would of  course be the case, but now ... purple?  Gold?”

“Try all.”

“Together?” He nodded . And so I did, I started with a white base , adding  gold to the tip and purple on the upper part, leaving the bottom feathers white.

“Like this?” my pen shifted slightly from layer to layer to cover and hide lines.

“I like it . Why feather? ”

“Why not? Isn’t feathers how they are always described with?”

“You have a point. But yeah, it fits well with colours. It looks like it’s shining in the night. Another good job from my Charlie.” I laughed as I added smaller shines and glitters on the feather s , adding some  on the water surface, others just in the air, floating.

“I wish I could take a hot bath right now. Maybe not too hot, it’s still hot outside, but relax , you know?” I said as I posed my pen down and started drinking the warm sweet beverage.

“Why don’t you go home?”

“I’ll fall asleep and never wake up in time to work.” He chuckled, knowing I was serious. I could barely wake up in the morning, figure waking up after a nap I wish was longer.

“Take a nap here, I’ll  wake you up when lessons end.” My eyes shined at his kindness, and I took a pillow from one of the chairs, placing it on the table  under my arms and head. 

“Thank you, Eliot. You saved me once again.” I drifted my mind, now lighter after I was able to draw something interesting, ready to sleep for some hours.

~~~

“Oh, look at those feathers.”

“You jealous?”

“Like hell.”

A darker voice slipped in my head, penetrating my sleep. Was I dreaming? Then why no pictures filled my head? I grunted, moving my hands to scratch my eyes, woke up by those voices. One was kinder, but felt different than when spoke to me. The one that woke me was deeper, between a whisper and a mocking tone, attracting my ears to listen more.

“Look who’s up.” Said the deep voice, and I straightened my back on the chair, stretching my arms over my head, still my eyes closed. I pinched my cheeks, finally waking up.

Dark shimmering brown eyes were the first thing I saw. Beautifully shaped pupils, a feline cut of eyes accompanied but long black lashed, a stare drilling into mine.

“Good morning, sleepy head. You might want to look into a mirror before going to work.” My eyes still locked with the ones in front of me, I pinched my eyelids, cursing myself for not remembering to remove the contacts before sleeping. It wasn’t the first time, but it was still annoying waking up with them. I grunted and finally moved my gaze to Eliot, the voice that for a moment sounded different.

I stood on my feet and moved to the small kitchenette area, splashing my face with cold water, a nice way to restart the  day, I felt refreshed. I turned back to the table, the two men sitting opposite sides, both looking at me.

“M-Mash?” Why was he here? Well, easy answer: Eliot called him. But why? Whenever he hanged out with me we never spoke about Mash, let alone let him in the room.

“ Yo .”

“H-hi. Eliot, what time is it?” I blushed as I looked at the blonde guy. I wasn’t used to talk to other guys, especially in this room where the only three of us used to hang out. I felt a little bit embarrassed from the fact I was sleeping right in front of a stranger, let alone think if I did any noises or spoke.

“I was about to wake you up in fifteen minutes. Did we wake you up?” I quickly turned to the mirror near one of the shelves, trying to make my hair stay put, all the soft strawberry blonde curls over my face.

“A-ah, no. I just felt uncomfortable for a moment, I think a dream woke me up.” Liar. It was Mash’ voice that woke me. I never heard his voice, so it must have been the fact I thought I wasn’t alone with  Eliot anymore. Or the fact I wanted to give a face to such voice. I glanced over the other guy, his dark chocolate waves meeting on the top of his head, some bangs left dripping on his face. I could see an amused smile growing on the corners of his full lips. A question burned on my lips.

“Did you do something to the drawing?” I asked Eliot, trying to ignore the stare of heat Mash was giving me. I sat back on  my place, it was still too early to leave for work and I had no excuses for my friend.

“No, it’s perfect like this. You just need to refine it.” I nodded, looking at the screen again. Maybe tomorrow I would. “Is Angie coming?” He asked when I turned off my laptop.

I shook my head, wishing she could be here to distract Mash from me, it felt awkward and uncomfortable being near him, for a reason I wasn’t sure yet.

“She said she had to stay with her family, so she’s leaving for the weekend after the lesson. Which means I’m just  gonna work and try to finish that.” I hinted at the laptop, knowing the backup sketch was already on my home computer. 

“I may come later tonight. Mash?” I quickly swapped glance between the two men, now looking at each other. He smiled slightly, moving his pupils on me for a moment.

“Might do.”

“Then, I better get going. See you.” I didn’t know who I was talking to: Eliot, Mash, or the couple. I just burst out of the room as calmly as possible. His presence still deep in me even after I crossed the doorstep. I realized my breath was heavy, long deep puffs struggling to get in and out of my lungs. I placed a hand on my heart, the beat seemed alright. What was happening to me? I shook my head, walking to the student parking lot. Shower and work.

~~~

The Moonlight was one if not the only bar opened until late. That meant two things: less sleep and drunk people. My two worst enemies. I drifted on my platform shoes to reach one of the tables to serve, trying to not bump into anyone. It was hard not to spill any drink when people kept moving around you, having fun while you were working hard to give them the fun, but I somehow was agile enough to reflex people movements. At least I had a perk at work. I reached the back of the counter, helping my manager Tim with the orders. It wasn’t as busy as usual, probably the fact that the courses started not long ago made everyone place feet back on Earth and less on the dreams of alcohol. But being only two that night at serving made everything a little bit more rushed.

“Last two orders and we can breathe for a while, no one came in lately.” I nodded pouring liquid in a tall glass, sliding it on the counter to the man in front of me.

“Having a good night?” A hand placed over mine still curled on the glass and I raised my head to meet two bright green eyes.

“Eliot! Thanks for coming! Not that busy, it’s bearable. You’re my last client at the moment.” I smiled at him as he raised the glass to his lips, and I went back to clean the counter while he was the only one on it. I grabbed a stool to sit opposite to him, but not before a second hand was placed on the wood counter. But it wasn’t Eliot. Long and pointy black polished nails. Mash.

“The same.” I glanced at him as he passed me a note to pay. A please would be okay as well. I carefully looked at them as I poured the second drink. How was he Eliot friend? He never talked to me about him and I had no idea what they did together. But maybe that was a side I’ve never seen of Eliot as well. I was a little curious. They were simply chatting, about the courses and the music of the club. Eliot was doing most of the talking, Mash kept it simple with just monosyllables and head movements. Was that guy even paying attention? How did Angie want to get his attention? 

I slipped the second glass in front of him, looking right at his face, searching for a different shade of expression that wasn’t the blank one he was wearing that night. That afternoon he looked more amused, had fun staring at a just woke up girl? Never seen one? He moved his eyes from the guy on his side to me, holding them there a moment before grabbing the drink, a playful smile on his lips. There he was.

“Thank you.” His voice tone sounded ironical, but that’s how he always sounded from what I heard.

After my small duties I finally sat down in front of the two, trying my best to focus on my usual chatting with Eliot and not the stranger on his side.

“Oh, you know what Angie decided to do? Hunt people.” I had no way to sound normal if I was going to say what we did last night. But I liked to talk about myth and legends regarding supernatural phenomenal, and Eliot seemed the perfect guy who always listened to what I had to tell, even if he wasn’t participating in first person.

“Uh?” Both the blonde and Mash looked at me surprised. I didn’t express myself well, and I felt sorry.

“You know...” I tried to rephrase and Eliot widened his eyes for a second, before pointing at the ceiling.

“You mean angels? And how is she supposed to find any? It’s called supernatural for a reason.” The guys looked at each other, like they were worried about us, or our mental health. I was too, to be honest.

“That’s what I told her, but she’s determined to find an answer for once. But at least it’s an excuse to go have a walk and maybe beat my fear of darkness.”

“I’m not sure she’s the best comforting person...” I rolled my eyes, standing up when a new customer came to the counter.

“Still, it sounds exciting.” I said more to myself taking the client order. And it was. Looking for something you were not sure it existed but deep inside felt that it was, just not knowing where and how to call it. It added motivation to my mundane living. Like creating all my angelic illustrations, I never showed anyone apart from Eliot and Angie, quite a waste, right? But I was still working on idea on bigger projects, I just didn’t know yet what was best for me.

I lost track of time as costumers came back and I had to serve tables. The short-sleeved shirt and the pleated skirt weren’t uncomfortable, but I still felt awkward in case touchy curious people tried to slip a hand on the shorts underneath. It wasn’t the most suitable for a place like this, but it did attract  people, but also perverts. Daily manners. Luckily, I never experienced such felling, and I was glad for once my body wasn’t the slim and attractive type. Meat kept me sane. Not that I hated my body, I always felt my curves at the right place, even if I wished I had a smaller breast. But a C cup wasn’t bad if I wanted to use it for impure acts, not that I ever tried to. Fantasy flies far. I liked my body, but that was no reason to show it off, and my uniform didn’t help to do so.

I didn’t realized Eliot left, but Mash  was still there at the same spot, looking around the room, as if searching for someone. And that someone might have been that exaggerated pushed up bust redhead that immediately sat on Eliot’ seat, her curly hair running wild like a mane. I didn’t pay attention, his affairs were his alone, I had a bar to keep alive and running.

But never I imagined her face tomorrow morning under the sign “missing”.


	3. Mash

_ Saturday, 27 _ _ th _ _ August _

_ I pressed my hands on my ears, the thunders  _ _ growing _ _ louder as time passed.  _ _ They were getting closer, who knew when one would  _ _ hit in here. _

_ I was looking for him. The hooded figure that was chasing my dreams constantly, in this wooden cabin  _ _ we've _ __ _ always  _ _ found each other _ _. I _ _ t was  _ _ deca _ _ y _ _ ed _ _ and abandoned. Holes and  _ _ broken wood all over the place. Not the most welcoming place _ _ , b _ _ ut it felt like home. A small private place I knew I was safe in, being reassured  _ _ by  _ _ him. But where was  _ _ he _ _ that night? I've never been alone  _ _ this long. At this point _ _ I would feel his breath on my skin, his hood in my sight covering what I knew was a beautiful face, such beautiful as the hands that caressed me kindly, controlling my fears. _ _ But he wasn't there that night. And I felt real panic for the first time. _

_ A thunderbolt struck at the entrance, the door swinging open, a loud crash breaking my eardrums. I jumped from the corner I was curled up in, the light blue flash barred my eyes as they widened. Where was he? Did he leave me? After all this time, did he grow tired of me? Of rescuing me from my fears? I shoved my face behind my legs, tapping my ears as strong as I could, a scream growing in my lungs to overlay the sound of the thunders. It wasn't helping. As I screamed, the thunders grew louder, the flashes felt like a constant light in the night sky. I was alone. My angel wasn't with me. It felt infinite. Everything was stirring inside me as the wooden cabin seemed to shrink all around me. I needed him. _

_ ~~~ _

I was having lunch like a normal person, woken up just in time to say it was barely still morning. Last night still heavy on my eye bags.  Mom was already at work, an urgent surgery she had to  assist, which I knew about only thanks to a paper note on the fridge.

“Last seen yesterday around eight in the evening, when she left the apartment she was living in with her adoptive father.”

Lie. I saw her after Midnight, wide and awake, looking for Mash’s attentions. I felt scared for a moment, wondering if the police will realize her path and talk to Tim and I for questions, I really didn’t want to talk to officers and being involved with a person missing case, no thanks. Even if they wanted to talk to me, I barely saw her one second at the counter, I didn’t serve or talked to her, I was no help to them.

Was I getting too worried about this? Probably. Was I thinking Mash was involved? Well, how should I not think that as I saw them together last night. Was I scared of Mash? Maybe. From how few I knew him, and yesterday accident, I wasn’t feeling very comfortable to see him next week. But maybe time for the weekend and I won’t even think about it anymore. How could I suspect someone I barely knew? And he was Eliot's friend, and he'd never hang out with murderers, point taken. I was just imagining too hard. She probably fell asleep drunk somewhere and his father was too protective or some sort.

I tied up my hair in a high ponytail, leaving a couple of strands at the side of my face to frame it, the dyed light pink curls bouncing actively. Not like the rest of me. It wasn't already time to close myself in and study at the weekend, so I would take all occasions possible to focus on my art. I closed myself in my bedroom, the double bed right under the window that occupied the entire wall, leaving my personal view to the garden and the woods. Sometimes if quiet enough I could hear the river splashing. The L shaped desk with my art equipment was on the right wall, hidden under all my coursework and club papers. On the left side a small wardrobe and mirror decorated the wall, framed by tall and slim book shelves. I sat on my comfy chair, powering up the computer and graphic monitor, ready to ultimate my last piece. It wasn't missing much. I just wanted to add more. I wanted feathers to feel real, like if you reached the screen you could feel their  softness . I was never able to feel that way on my paintings. What was I doing wrong? What was missing? Were angel's wings feathery? Weren't they soft and pure? I always tried my best to represent them. Visually they would look perfectly light and candid. But I couldn't feel the reality of it. I was probably stressing over it too much, but I really wished I could even touch a real angel's feather once, get to see their majestic wings spreading in the air, filling the sky. But it was all a fantasy.

After  minutes, maybe hours ,  I  slammed my forehead on the desk, feeling like I couldn't do more than that, this piece was finally done. A whining sound came from the opposite side of the house, an alarm in my head waking me up from my  hypnotic state of drawing. The whining became clearer, now  a single loud bark . A dog? Was someone walking the dog  around here? It happened, but it was always soundless. There was nothing to react to.

I reached downstairs, pulling my pyjama straight on my top, all wrinkled from sleeping and the bowed session in front of the screens. I walked out from the front door, curious if anyone needed help, the dog barking constantly. Was someone hurt and trying to get attention?

I stepped on the walk side of the road as a huge white ball of fur crashed onto me, making me fall on my butt. Not as hard as I thought, the huge dog moved his front paws on my stomach, huge light blue eyes staring right at me. Well, it got my attention. A beautiful, short furred white husky was lying on top of me, its tail swinging all around. I've never seen it around here, but that didn't mean I wouldn't cuddle it. I didn’t even care about getting on my feet and I dragged my hands right on its body, feeling the soft mantle between my fingers. 

“ Aah , what a soft boy you are. What are you doing here? Did you get lost?“

I started talking to it like any person who liked animals would do. It was staring at me with his huge round pupils, maybe he wasn’t lost, maybe it ran from its owner. I checked its neck, searching for a collar with a tag, but I could find only the first one. A thick red collar divided the fur on the base on its neck. I petted it between its ears, lowering down to its muzzle. It sniffed my hand and clashed its face on my chest, for more cuddles. I always wished mum and I had a dog, but we weren’t at home as much as we wanted to take care of one. I lost myself to the animal, enjoying the warm feeling of petting a dog. But it was also feeling heavy on my lower chest, it was huge after all.

“Okay buddy, time to get up . Where’s your f r iend?” Like I was waiting for an answer, but maybe it was trained to, I don’t know, go back to its owner, or give its paw. As I tried to stand up and move the dog quick steps ran towards me. A head of messy dark chocolate brown hair was bending down at me , his breath slightly heavy from the run.

“ Are you alright?” His deep voice startled me, feeling different from yesterday, his eyes looking at me funny.

Ah, why did it have to be you, Mash. I always tried my best to look decent when going out, at the courses and at work. Only Angie ever saw me like this, Eliot rarely. My hair was all crumbly from the hair tie, I had no make-up at all, my eyes looking smaller since my eyelashes were very light. But worst of all, I was wearing glasses, which I hated since I got them. I felt like he would mock me every time he would see me next. I just wished I would look too different for him to recognize me, but I wasn’t such a magician with brushes. Why didn’t I  change my “boys whatever cats forever” pyjama top? I felt dumb, but I tried not to show it. I just had to quickly say “yes, now excuse me” and run back to my  personal space. Easy, right? Like hell.

“ Emh , yes. It’s a lovely dog , is it yours?” What is  that dumb question, you? I cleared my clothes from the  pavement ’s dirt and his hand was extended right in front of my face. I grabbed it, a shy smile on my lips, it wasn’t that bad in the end. His hand felt sturdy, but very cold. It was still the end of  summer , how? He helped me  get back on my feet and the dog wen t back barking and running around Mash.

“Yes, yes, I got you. Sorry Charlie, she got excited and ran away. Do you live here?” He sounded genuine and I appreciated it. Maybe I was thinking wrong of him.  Indeed, I couldn’t connect him to yesterday’s incident. That already flew away. Still, damn him, he found me.

I nodded slightly, still planning to just hide away, too embarrassed. “It’s unusual to have people walking around here, do you live around here as well?” Even if Angie told me he lived in the dormitory, pets were not allowed, the, was that true?

“Not really, Lily likes to walk far from the city and likes a long ride.” The name was Lily, so cute. He kept the discussion light and not giving too many details, so I didn’t ask more, even if I was genuinely curious. And was still trying to get to know him for Angie’s sake, even after I said it was none of my business. I lowered my stare on Lily, now sat between our legs. But then my eyes stopped  mid-air , and realized our hands were still tied together, and he was still cold. I carefully removed it from his grip and he suddenly relaxed his fingers.

“Are you cold?” Where are you going with this question, Charlie? You’re too good to everyone. Well, not really. But he was Eliot’s friend, and I didn’t want any awkward moments between the three of us. I would try to hang out with Mash as well, maybe Eliot would be happy to not have to choose who to hang out with.

“ Mh , why? Want to invite me inside to warm up? ” Oh, he switched back to the cold hearted that was  earlier. I stepped back, not expecting such a double  meaning answer. Was that  the reason Angie said he is not kind to girls? Was he a pervert? I tried to stay compose and talk until I was safe to get back inside. Why w eren’t Angie or Eliot with me? They could get rid of Mash, or me.

“It’s just your hand seemed cold, but it’s still warm outside. Are you feeling well? Do you have a fever?” Too honest. What if he really had, should I invite him inside? I just dig my own grave. I tried to not be  affected from the way he talked, after all, I wasn’t like Angie. I could handle it.

But not that. He bended over me, his face closer to mine . It was still a secure  distance, but  I felt my face grow hotter . That was not planned.

“Want to check it out?” Oh, he came closer for me to check if he had a fever then. Understandable. I twisted my lips on one side and at the same time a grim formed on his , a bright flash running  in his dark eyes. He was joking.

“Not at all. Seems like you’re fine. Now if you  please excuse me, I’m not very presentable right now . I will be the one feeling cold in a bit.” I turned on my feet, walking towards the  front door of my small farm house. I  was right under the porch when Lily barked, turning my attention back to them.

“Your drawing... did you finish it?” I raised my eyebrows, surprised by his interest. I tilted my head sideways, a  forced smile on my face.

“ Kinda , but I’m not sure. I feel like something is missing to every design I do.” I scratched my head roughly, the hair tie falling in my hand, freeing all the curls. It felt good to  vent  about my insecurities when it came to my art. But I never was able to do it with Eliot and Angie , I always tried to act like I knew what I wanted from each piece, but in reality, I didn’t.

“Will you show it to me?” I jumped on my spot. Did he want to come in? The house was a mess, I still had to clean  from  the week that just passed, and there was no way a boy was getting in my room  that easily, it felt too embarrassing. Damn, I was such a  normie when it came to relationship with the opposite sex.

“I mean, sure. But maybe at school? If you come to the club room...” And now I was the one giving him the chance to come to me? He smirked,  ruffling his hair up with one hand, looking wilder than before. But  it suited him well, he was a fascinating guy.

“I’ll be there. See you.” He didn’t wait for me to answer. Lily and Mash started marching at the same time, going the opposite way they came from, probably to finish their walk. I went back in the house quickly, before anyone else was to walk that road. I let out a deep breath, realizing I was holding it since my last sentence. Why was I always feeling weird in his presence? Was I  _ that  _ not used to talk to guys? I held up my hands on my face, my cheeks feeling hotter than usual. Was my face that red in front of him?

H e was interested in my a rt , and that made me feel  honoured , but why such an  exaggerated reaction? Maybe I was the one getting a fever.


	4. Dream

_ Wednesday, 1 _ _ st _ _ September _

The house I lived in was a small two-story brick farm house, where my family and ancestors had lived for centuries. It was old, but kept in good condition, a lot of memories for all the family members of the past. Sadly, no one was there anymore, they all died. Mom and I were the only ones left. The house didn’t feel too big for just the two of us and I honestly asked myself how huge families in the past lived in such a small space. There was an open space kitchen and sitting room on the ground floor, and a simple breakfast table in between. I liked the rustic feeling of the house, it felt unique and important to keep it that way. I especially loved cooking with my mom when possible, the cherry wooden kitchen was so welcoming I wondered how we used to be when father was alive, because I didn’t remember. There was a small bathroom used as utility room by mom when working in the garden. She’d love to have a green thumb, but everything she tried to grow hard died before could even bloom, but I always admired how she can still not give up and get newer plants every season. The top floor was very simple as well, mom liked antique furniture, so it was all we had. Three bedrooms and one bathroom, but the smaller bedroom was used as storage, from my old schools' materials, to old family’s memories. It was hard to warm it in the winter as well as cooling it in the summer, but we were used to it. We just really liked it. Angie always asked me to move to the university dormitory, but she is well aware I would never leave my mom and this house.

We lived right at the edge of  Steelwater , a long single road to bring us to the city , the woods and river behind us. It was simply perfect for the shy and private person I was. Even if I had to drive twenty minutes to get anywhere I needed to go.

I had no lessons that day, but Angie decided to meet up in the club room anyway, saying she had very important updates on our last discussion. I hadn’t heard from her since last Friday, before she left to go to her family for the weekend, and we weren’t able to meet up sooner as our lessons didn’t coincide. That also meant I never went to the club room, and also meant I didn’t meet Mash, nor Eliot. I felt alone honestly, realizing how I cared about a social relationship with my friends.

“I ’m a  genius , praise me, Charlie.” Her cheerful voice cracked over the phone speaker as I  l eft the driver seat in front of the secondary building.

“Did you get a date with Mash?” I tried to  defuse, but she probably really went for it these days without me, who knew how many steps she did.

“Please, if life was easier I’d already be married to him. He’s so hard to approach and his blank expression makes me think he is not interested at all.” Just how much did she fell for him I couldn’t tell, just for an assumption of being a fallen angel like anyone could? I guessed she was feeling lonely too, but sexually. And back to Mash who was cold to every girl, never letting anyone get closer. That probably wasn’t the best match, I just hoped she wouldn’t feel too devastated if anything bad happened between the two.

I stepped in the building, opening the light jeans jacket I was wearing, the early autumn breeze starting to feel  chilly  on the skin .

“So, what is this about.” I  said sighing  not really read y for what was expecting me in the room.

“Just come in already.” I heard her voice from behind the door.

I approached the room, silence filling the air. Apparently, it was only us and our secret plans to discover supernatural beings, again. On the table a large map of the county, red lines drawn onto it, forming a six-pointed star in the middle. Were we going to do weird summoning sessions now? I sat on my usual chair, nearest the window, waiting for her to explain to me, putting away my phone and jacket. Several religious books were piled on one side, probably where she was doing her researches on. Did she do this all during her time at home?

“ Steelwater used to have various religious cults performed in the streets and small  meeting places, scattered all over the place. And, guess what? Cults were about demons, holy magic, and angels as well. I’m proud to be a fast reader, because I was able to sum up where the  meeting point were. Mostly old post offices, bakeries, places used in the community to spread words in the past, it was honestly very interesting to read, but that’s not what we care about.” I listened to her carefully, really curious of where she was heading to. I never personally had a look in the local religious beliefs, but the fact she was able to find information about it made me admire her. 

“But you know what is strange? When I pointed out all the locations and connected with the opposite ones, I got a  center point. And what is it? The church. Our only church. Isn’t that amazing!? I never thought I could actually get an answer?” I raised an eyebrow, still silent. Was that really just a coincidence or a fact that those places really meant something in the past religiously? 

“So, do you think those places are connected with the church, like, spiritually? That something might be hidden in the church that deals with our supernatural myth?” She nodded vigorously at my questions. I felt my heart beat going intense as we spoke, I felt excited to find out something material for once.

“Or that they were places appositely there to maybe watch over the church as the main spiritual point for religion? I don’t know that. But we have to go there. Tonight. Looks like there will be a full moon, so it’ll be decently bright, no need to piss your pants.”

“I don’t piss my pants, thanks. And I’m in anyway.” I pouted slightly at her assumption . I never peed myself because of dark. But I panicked sometimes.

“Where should we meet ? At the entrance? The church is always open anyway.” I continued as I stood up to make myself a cup of tea. We had to plan our  little scout.

~~~

I lied to mum, saying I’ll stay at the dormitory with Angie. I felt bad, but at the same time it’s not like we were doing something illegal, it’s just going out. I strolled out of my small white Punto, my phone in one pocket, a change of battery in the other, and my flashlight in hand. Yes, I wanted to get rid of my childish fear of dark, but I had no reason to give up a source of light. Angie was waving at me as I approached the cemetery tall steel gate. Tombs and chapels were layered in the short green grass field, surrounding the main centuries old church, the yellow bricks reflecting the moonlight. I raised my head, looking directly at it. It was beautiful. A soft cool breeze made the trees around the field brush the leaves with  each other's , a chilled sound on top of our heads. There was no sound of cars, the building was isolated from the outer life, like a giant bubble protecting it. I actually wondered who went to church anymore.

The plan we schemed was simple and direct. To make things easier and fast we were going to cover two different directions, and meet up in an hour. That meant we had half  a hour to cover each compass point. We had no idea on what range we would meet something, so that’s why we set a time limit. Hopefully in an hour we could find even a small clue, I wasn’t really sure about  _ what _ , but really, anything that sounded like it was screaming “look at me I’m weird”.

I tried to list in my head something that would recall supernatural in general: could be trails on the terrain, particular lights, words and hidden messages, sounds. That was way too vague, how the hell were we supposed to find something, just wondering about part two?

I first scout ed the grave yard at night : i t was quiet. White, grey, musky tombstones  surrounded me,  but it felt peaceful, not as gloomy as I thought. Having my flashlight helped, but I already was reassured that there were no real monsters ready to swallow me at once. It was like having a walk  at  the dusk  or right after a night out, I  pac ed  between the stone parallel lines, keeping an eye out for the borders, where bushes and tree could hide something suspicious.

It was true, the moon was reflecting enough light to add a veil of grey light on top of the world. It was  marvellous , but it wasn’t as shiny as that other day by the river. I followed the soft breeze, searching the slice of terrain I had to look at. Some stones catch my attention, but their names and number didn’t. I avoided entering the small chapels, but I tried to get a look from outside anyway. Nothing out of the ordinary. And even if some names were strange and old, they couldn’t lead us anywhere. I really hoped Angie found what she wanted to get close to see slash find an angel. Or maybe we were just getting too obsessed and we had to stop before going really crazy. Deja-vu.

Half time had passed, me checking every ten minutes the wristwatch my father gifted me for my eighteenth birthday, but way earlier as he died when I was barely two years old. The black leather straps highlighted the red main piece, a silver rose with wings in the middle. It was a treasure, but I really wished I knew the meaning, when he didn’t even leave a note. He just disappeared, at least that’s what mother always said. Maybe he wasn’t even dead, but it’s not like I even remember any moment with him, or his face. I was too small to have such memories; it was like he was never there for me. Was he watching over me, if he was dead? Did he become an angel in the end? I shook my head, going back to Earth with my mind, I was drifting once again in my thoughts.

I branch snapped on my right, catching the flashlight and my attention. It was exactly like that night. But that time Angie said it was nothing, probably an animal. Was it really? Or a person? Was it running from something? Trying to get some attention? Well, Angie. This time I would gather my courage for once and try and find out. I moved to the bushes at the entrance of the small forest, and the sound repeated itself. I stepped over the small bushy line, now I was the one doing crunchy noises under my feet. I kept my pace as thin as possible, my flashlight pointed down so I wouldn’t scare whatever that was. I was getting further from the church and the graveyard, the yellow building growing smaller as I looked behind. The stalk wasn’t long, and the cracking also stopped. My foot step on a softer area, like water was nearby. I finally raised my eyes, too focused on the terrain I was walking on and how not to make any noises. A decrepit wooden house was standing a few meters from me, the woods right behind it. But a small grassy plot and a pond right next to it. It was it. It was  _ that _ cabin, the one I always dreamt of. Was this the signal I was looking for? Were my dreams really connected to angels? If not, what? I held my breath, before finally stepping quickly towards it. I looked all around me, recreating the trail I followed to get here, of course I had to come back. I took out my phone fast to save the location, that would surely help also make my way out tonight.

I stared at the front door, a couple of boards snapped and tore apart, but it was still holding strong, just like in my dreams. I pulled it lightly, and it felt just like when I rushed to get in during my sleep, but this time no thunderstorm, no natural elements were forcing me to enter. It was my will. I froze on the spot, my eyes widened.

He was there : my hooded dream.


	5. Reality

_ Thursday _ _ , 2 _ _ nd _ _ September _

His form leaned back on the table by his hips. He was tall, taller that how he looked during my dreams. The black thick cape covered his whole body, the big hood hiding most of his face, his profile jaw barely showing. I would definitely scream if I didn’t know this feeling. I was safe. And he was there, for once, in my real living life.

I stepped closer, the timber squeaking under my weight. I was slow, maybe I was scared that if I got too close, he would disappear. I instinctively pinched one cheek, maybe I passed out in the graveyard and I was dreaming. I checked my watch, time was passing by. It wasn’t a dream.

I had so many things to tell him, so many questions to ask, but no words were able to escape my mouth. My eyes felt watery, my lungs trying to catch a breath very hardly, my heart beating so fast I thought it was going to stop suddenly. I wanted to touch him. Talk to him. Discover him.

I raised one hand, finally able to reach him. He didn’t move at all since I arrived, but I felt his weak breathing, his chest raising and sinking under the big cape. I placed my palm on his arm, my fingers curling around the fabric, his skin cold under my touch. He was real. I kept my stare on my limb on him, gasping for air as he stayed immobile.

“I... You... Really?” I couldn’t express myself properly, I just wanted to feel him in real life beyond my dreams. I moved to his front, his head bowed. I acted like I would anytime, slipping my arms under his, squeezing hard the fabric on his back. I could finally feel what I was touching. Resting my body on his, I finally sensed a reaction. His arms raised to me, a smooth movement on the small of my back. I held my breath, embedding my face in the curve between his neck and shoulder.

“I don’t want this moment to finish.” I finally said, giving words to my deep thinking. I felt his grip tighten on my back, his other hand raising to gently rub my nape, a shiver crossing my spine, his cold fingers sending small bites on my skin, as he played kindly with my hair, wrapping it around his fingers. Nothing could tell me this wasn’t real. I rose my head, finally ready to talk, but with no intention of leaving his hold.

“Can you talk?” He shook his head.  Just l ike in  my  dreams. I guess some things needed to stay the same. I tilted my head  right ,  determinate to at least  see his face, or part of it.

“Can I meet you here in the future?” I then asked urgently. The man cocked his head as well, but I was able to get a glance of his lower lip curling up, then he nodded. I knitted my eyebrows in the middle, feeling like I could cry. If I was able to meet him again out in the daylight, I could get more answers, more physical contact with the dream I always carved. But this time, I wasn’t limited by fears. 

“Are you really the person I meet in my dreams?” One single nod and I  truly smiled , feeling as a heavy weight was finally lifted from my soul. I squeezed hard on his back, flattering my chest on his.

“Uh, it feels so weird to have you here. I never thought this place really existed, that you existed. Maybe I should have tried to search, but now I don’t really care. I feel so lucky.” I let it all out and sniffled my head back on his chest, inhaling his scent. It was fresh, like a salted sea breeze, but a cinnamon touch on top. I was allured to it as much as I was to him in general.

But I knew I was  running out of time and I couldn’t waste more  of it with questions he wouldn’t  answer if not by two head moves. I wanted to see him.

I glanced back at him from my lower level, rising one hand to his face. He jolted back for a second, as he was scared of my touch, but then relaxed. I didn’t move, waiting for him to get comfortable again. I felt his breath on my hand and so I went back to track. The tips of my fingers crawling up in contact with his cheek, a silky skin I never sensed before. It felt unreal to be touching him. I slightly put pressure on my tips, cupping his face to turn it to me. He did resist as I groaned in disapproval. Just a little bit more. He turned more to me, finally able to his full lips clenched together, opposed to what I wanted to do. By surprise I moved my face closer, higher. And I saw them. I didn’t see his face, too dark inside the cabin to get a full image. But his eyes. Long lashes framed their thin shapes where deep, bright crimson red feline pupils where centred, staring right at me, penetrating with such a meaningful and caring glimpse, I felt my heart ache. Was he my guardian angel in the end? I felt guilty for making him do something forced.

I suddenly left his  embrace, lowering my head and biting my lips. Such beautiful eyes, and he didn’t want me to see .

“Sorry...” I said bringing my hands clasped together to my heart. “I really mean it. I was so curious after all the nights we spent quietly together, I wanted to know more for once. I wanted to see your face.” The last thing I wanted was him to resent me. “Are you my guardian angel?” I finally asked, sighing. 

I rose my gaze, staring at his hood, knowing I will never get a chance to see his face again, or any part of his body.

But then, a gentle wave went through him, and he shook his head, slowly. He wasn’t  _ my  _ angel. Then, who was him? And how did he get in my dreams every time? He wasn’t human, that was for sure, what was I missing?

“What are you, then? What are you to me?” I scoffed out, tears going back to the surface. It was stressful not being able to get answer. If he wasn’t a guardian angel, why stalk me in my sleep, share those private moments with me , like I was the most important person to  him. “Talk to me!” I shouted, as one single tear shredded out of my eye. If I was finally able to get him to me in real life, I had to make him talk. I deserved some explanation.

But apparently not that night, as my phone vibrated in my pocket. By the time I snoozed the alarm I set earlier to get back and turned up my gaze again, there was no one in front of me.

He was gone, and with him all my answers. I ran out, faster as I could, feeling afraid for the first time of that cabin.


	6. Angel

Every night was a catch and drop.

Those moments were too short compared to the length of a night sleep. I wanted more, but I wasn’t sure about it anymore.

I felt secure in his embrace, but I wished he would just speak to me, show himself. Was that too much to ask, even in a dream, and then in real life? Was that because he had no form as a supernatural being, or was he hiding? But I felt it, I touched his body, I would remember that sensation forever. Such a cold body was actually warming up my insides. It’s understandable now how I strongly believed in paranormal after all those nights, and finally that encounter. I was captivated by a hooded figure in my dreams. I was so used to him I never even questioned myself or my sanity.

But, why was he always in my mind? Was he the real reason I started to believe in angels? I didn’t remember the first time he appeared, it seemed like he had always been there for me. He wasn’t a simple product of my fantasies, because I met him for real. And I was sure I was not hallucinating.

I was not interested in having a relationship, but maybe that was the best excuse to wait for him in my mortal life. And it happened. But I wasn’t sure I did the best choice, forcing him to show himself. Well, I didn’t see him at all, but maybe it was a bigger deal for him. He was the angel that protected me from my fears in my dreams. Then again, he wasn’t.

Maybe in the end I just had to go to a psychologist, or directly to an exorcist. But now, it wasn’t only in my head, it was an actual thing. And I was drowning in for him. I never spoke about it with anyone, but maybe it was finally time to do so. But not Angie, she would just be excited for me and jealous she didn’t have my same “angel”. I needed Eliot, who always rationally listened to all my weird concept idea for my art pieces, maybe he could help me with dreams now. I honestly wondered if talking to Mash would also help me,  or call the exorcist before I did, or mock me to life together with my home wear style. 

I decided to open my eyes, finally time to get up. Angie’s double bed wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, especially when she sleeps spread all over, kicking me in her sleep. She was already at her morning lesson, while I just had an afternoon one. I ranted to the bathroom to get a quick shower, my phone dialling Eliot’s number.

“Yo, Charlie.” I stared blankly at my mirrored figure, lost for a second. His voice always low but cheerful, as he was always joking me. I had some light purple circles under my grey dull eyes, but a fresh shower and concealer would do the trick. I looked so messed up after yesterday’s night. I didn’t know if it was simply because it was late and I slept less than usual or... because I met  _ him. _

“Mash?” I simply said, starting to undress. “Where’s Eliot?” T he pyjama dropped on the floor .

“Having a shower. How can I help you?” I could hear him standing up to move far away from the background noise. He wasn’t lying.

“I was just wondering if he could come to the club room this morning.” I turned on the water myself, the soft  ticking  stuffing the silence of the small  lodging. Underwear was down.

“And you’re not inviting me? You still have to show me something.” Ah, right. My drawings. I put my hand under the water fall, to get the temperature. Could I talk about this stuff with him, too? I finally wanted to explain everything to Eliot, to get a second thought about it, but Mash wasn’t at the same level of intimacy. But, at the same time, having a stranger thought could help me even more. Maybe I could get to know him better. But I wouldn’t talk with the two at the same time, that would be way too confusing for me to understand what they think.

“ Right. No offence, but I  need to talk to Eliot first.” The first I could talk to him the first I could plan my actions to meet that guy again.

“Got ya.” He sounded bored, but everything he said always sounded like he really didn’t care.

“But... Mash?” I asked stepping into the  square , bending my body so the upper half would be out of the water.

“Yeah?” It sounded like a whisper, maybe he wasn’t excepting me to keep our conversation up.

“Have you ever dreamed about a person that you don’t know if exist?” I blunted out fast. Was I doing the right thing, asking him?

“Maybe.” A direct answer. Still not as direct as I wanted.

“What would you do if you happen to meet that person in real life?” I whispered, thinking I may have gone already too far with my questions.

“If I met it in my dreams, there is a connection. I think I would like to know it better. Or should I say... is that what you wanted me to answer?” He  burst into a deep giggling and I shivered once. Not because of the water. He was the one creeping me out.

“What?” I said to myself, as he hung up before I could even repeat in my mind what he said.

Asking his opinion was a huge mistake.

~~~

Did he think I was kidding? That my questions didn’t have a meaning? If so, why would I even ask them? I was startled, my brain hating me for deciding to take a step further and try to get to know him. Maybe my choice of topic wasn’t the best. But still, he didn’t help that. There was a huge question mark inside my head. But to be honest, yes, that was what I wanted to hear. And I would have done that even without his help. Not that he did really help in the end.

When I arrived in the club room, the curtains were already up, a small note on the window from Angie saying to not wait for her today. Sometimes it felt like she was the boyfriend and I was her girlfriend. We didn’t spend every hour of the day together, indeed we had our own career to follow, but they were still connected: she wrote, I drew. Luckily, we found a school that would help us develop them both. She wanted to become a writer, guess what she did like to write about; and I wanted to become a concept artist or illustrator, and guess what I liked to draw, part two. We supported each other, giving ourselves ideas for our next projects.

I went straight to the kettle, ready for my morning hot fuel as the door opened behind me,  a wild Eliot appeared. It took us the same amount of time to get here, both coming from the dormitory. His hair was still damp, dark blonde waves down his face .

“Why are you such in a hurry?” I chuckled at his shirt misbuttoned. I poured hot water in my mug, letting it get colder as I approached Eliot. He closed the door behind him and met me in the middle of the room.

“Mash said it was really urgent. Do you want to talk abo ut something? ” He was panting as I rea ched for his shirt, unbuttoning and placing the buttons in the right holes of his light blue vest.

“I feel like he just wanted to see you rush out, not even watching what you were doing. It’s true I wanted to talk to you, but it’s not that urgent.” He ruffled his hair with one hand and sighed as I  closed the top button.

“That ass. Thanks, I probably wouldn’t have noticed.” I laughed at his innocence. Eliot was truly a very charismatic man, he had a strong body, but the muscles weren’t really showing off like Mash. Put them into a fight together I was sure they were equal. His soft face was what made him have so many girls on his feet, and he was so kind to them I wondered why he didn’t have a girlfriend. And no, he was not in love with me like a one-sided romance novel where I wouldn’t see his love for me. It was more like a brother's relationship between us. I couldn’t see him as a romantic interest, and I was sure it was the same for him.

He grabbed my hand in his, pulling me to sit in front of each other. “So?” He started.

I grabbed my mug between my hands. It was finally time to let it all out.

“ So. .. Lately, well actually since I can remember, I use d to have the same dream over and over again . Not every night but at least once a week.  It’s probably more like a nightmare. But, well, there is this cabin in the forest  at night and there’s a thunderstorm outside.  And you know how scared I get.” He nodded, listening to me in silent, like he was slowly processing what I could say next.

“Not every time,” I said, remembering that one night where the hooded figure wasn’t there, “but most of, there is a hooded man inside the cabin for me. He’s not scary, I actually feel really safe when he embraces me.” I blushed hard when I realized I really said those words to someone. “He doesn’t talk, he just holds me. It doesn’t last long, probably an hour in real life. Or at least that’s what it seems like, I still can’t get around it.”

“What are you trying to tell me?” The blonde guy’s eyes thinned, looking worried.

“Don’t look at me like that. You don’t need to be worried. Well, maybe... The thing is, I found the cabin last night, when Angie and I went out. And he was there as well. I can promise it wasn’t a dream, I felt him. It was way too real.” I stared at my hands on the table, too scared to lift my gaze to him. And when I did after a minute of silence, I was nearly shocked.

He held his hands close tight against the table, like he wanted to punch something hard. His jaw clenched at the point I was scared he was going to bite his lips to bleed. His eyebrows were tight in the middle. He didn’t seem worried anymore, but angry.

“Eliot?” I whispered releasing the mug from my own hold.

“Why didn’t you say somethin g sooner?” His voice was b arely listenable, the tone so low I thought he was possessed.

“Because it’s normal for people to have a dream repeating itself. The problem was when I found the place of those dream to exist. And the person.” My voice became insecure. I knew everything sounded crazy and I should have been more conscious about it. But the fact I was finally able to meet the person I always dreamed of didn’t sound crazy to me. It felt good. An opportunity. If only I knew how to approach him. 

“Ok, Charlie...  So, what do you think it is now?”

I tilted my head at his voice, now calm.

“ I would say an angel was there. I’ve always desired that. But he said he wasn’t mine.”

“No, of course not...” he whispered. “Wait, did he talk?”

“No. It was more like I did ask questions and he moved his head.” He was the one nodding after my sentence.

“Let me get this straight. You met a person you’ve been dreaming on, and you think it was an angel?”

“I think this dream is the main reason I believe in such things. Tell me what you think it is, if not.”

“Shit... I never thought this would happen.” He leaned back on his chair, getting up towards the window. He pulled the curtain close , the white  blueish  light dim from the ceiling lamps.

“What do you mean? Do you know what’s happening? Do you know who the guy is? Eliot, is there something I should know?” I looked at his back, his shoulders stiff. It seemed like he knew what I was talking about, and I didn’t like it. I wondered if I had talked before, I would discover this earlier, but I didn’t have a reason to until now. If there was something important I had to know, he was about to tell me.

“I’m amazed of how you and Angie are so clever and curious, angels here and there, but in  reality, you two are actually stupid. You probably should have stayed in the fantasy world forever, because you’d hate how things really are.” He kept his back to me, the curtain tight in his hands, like he didn’t really mean those words, but was forced to say.

“Eliot? Are you okay?”

“Yes, Charlie. Guess what? You were right. Angels exist. There aren’t as many as in the past, people stopped believing in them and started to disappear. This world is so corrupted by malevolence that fallen angels keep trying to get the power to overcome angels and rule over humans.“

I didn’t answer, what was he talking about? Was he  inventing everything to go on with my ideals of angels? But I’ve never spoke of malevolence and power. Angie and I were purely  admiring their appearance, the fact we thought it would look cool if they were peacefully in our world, hiding . It was all a fiction fantasy to help us create our art.

“W-what are you talking about?” My palms sweating, the topic was getting out of hand. The shirt I closed earlier on the blonde’s chest fell on the floor, his slender back now facing me, his skin paler under the artificial light. I stood up, not expecting him to undress.

“What are you doing? Why are you undressing?” My voice tone was higher pitched than I expected. I walked around the table to reach for the shirt on the floor, but Eliot turned to me before I could.

“Angels are not  that amazing creatures you think. Yes, we do guard humans, but we have powers that shouldn’t even exist in this world.”

“We? Eliot-“ He held a hand in front of my face, shutting me up. He didn’t give me time to do anything.

I could see them, first small, then bigger feathers reaching out from his back, the skin ripping in two long cuts across the length of it. They spread wide, huge white wings folded in half, not enough space in the room. They were majestic and I was gaping at them charmed. Was this really happening? Was an angel really standing in front of me, and the wings were a real thing?

I held my hand up, really wishing to touch them. Would they feel smooth? Light? Or thick? I wasn’t realizing that the guy in front of me, my childhood friend Eliot, was the supernatural being I always painted, trying to reach the perfection image of it. I wasn’t scared, nor angry at him for hiding it from me, I couldn’t blame him. I wasn’t even surprised, but it was an incredible vision, I could barely believe my eyes, even knowing I was awake.

But the next thing I saw was black, as my body dropped.


	7. Reflection

“That surprised me.” Eliot giggled when I regained consciousness, back in my bedroom.  He closed the door and passed me a mug.

“Oh, you’re surprised?” I smiled sipping the warm lemonade he kindly made for me.

“I wasn’t  excepting you to faint.” I rose an eyebrow while he sat on the edge of the bed, where I was lying earlier.

“It was quite shocking, you know.” I scuffed hiding my face behind the ceramic.

“Sorry it was so sudden.” He lowered his head, a guilty aura around him.

“Are you kidding, that was the best thing I’ve seen in my life. Thank you.” I said leaving the mug on the bedside table, jumping on my knees on the  mattress ,  embracing his shoulders in my arms, an act of love I barely made with my mother , but Eliot’s face was so hard to watch in th at moment.

It  really happened .  Eliot showed himself for what he was: an angel. I was still dazing between the unbelievable reality of th e fact that  everything  I ever dreamt was true and the fact that  _ Eliot  _ was one of them.

I had to  stop for a moment to gather all my thoughts ; I was right. They existed, but apparently it was  all  more complicated  than I  thought, they weren’t just wandering around to protect us from the “evil” , but something bad was actually happening. Was that the reason Eliot decided to come out from his secret? If he needed help, I would do  everything I can in order to help  him , even if it was impossible as a mere human.

_ Your childhood friend is an Angel, Charlie _ . Good choice in life.  _ Everything you always dreamed about was in front of your nose the whole time _ , but of course, who would just go and ask “Are you an angel, perhaps?”. Nope, that wouldn’t work. I felt honoured that he finally took that step and  confessed it.

But then, was he the only one around? Or were there other angels and fallen ones? Did he know them or not? Could he read their aura or was  that a  silly  fantasy in my head? What about Mash, who Angie thought was one?

I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to  submerge Eliot with all my questions, he probably had to tell me something else before I exploded in my curiosity. I would wait, he wasn’t running away from me.

“I know that look on your face, Charlie. Stop thinking, I won’t  talk.” He placed a hand on my arm still wrapped around him. “I never thought I would show myself in this world,  but I guess  your brain is forcing me now.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” I pouted releasing my grip . I really wanted to know more, but maybe he wanted to sort out  _ how _ to tell me  first.

“ None of this does.” He turned to smile shyly at me . We were partners in crime now. I wondered who also knew about this. He  very well knew I would never say a word about this to anyone. Not that I had that someone to talk to. Only Angie.

“How are you an angel if we grew up together?” I asked cocking my head  to one side. I couldn’t stop myself.

“Not today, Charlie. I think you know enough already.”

“I know nothing!” I puffed my cheeks.

“I wish that was true . I’ll tell you everything, but slowly. For today that’s everything you’ll get.” He sighed and ruffled my hair with one hand, then pushing it down so I would lay back on the bed.

“Ah – how did we get back to my house?” I asked as he stood up on his feet. Was he leaving already? I checked the clock to see if I could go back to class, but it started hours ago. He also missed it.

“I told the teachers you passed away and got you home. I mean, everyone saw me taking you away in my arms.” I instinctively moved my hands on my face, blushing a bit. Well, that wasn’t something I wanted people to see me doing. I was a girl after all. He laughed at me, enjoyed by doing such a knightly act in public.

“Does Angie know?” But before I could get an answer the doorbell rang. And I knew it was her. Who else if  not?

I ran downstairs with Eliot on my back, cursing me for being so active after I just passed out. It happened once , I wasn’t sick or anything. Indeed , I felt really good and full of energy. Eliot’s confession gave me hope and inspiration. In many fields.

But when I opened the front door, not one head was present, but two.

Angie... and Mash.

Did I miss something?

When did they get th at close ? But most importantly, why would she even think I  wanted him in my house? He was Eliot’s friend, not mine. I wasn’t confident enough with him to just let him  intrude in my place, but I couldn’t say no because of  them . Maybe I just had to get over with it and welcome him as a friend.

“Are you alright?” Angie’s arms were immediately around my neck . But I wasn’t paying attention to her. I was  mesmerized by Mash; in particular his eyes. He was staring at me as he was worried for real, like if what we talked about that morning was something very important and was connected to me fainting.  But it wasn’t. Well, not directly.

“Y-yes. I’m good, I probably didn’t sleep enough.” I patted her back, but in  reality, I felt awkward, his brown eyes staring at me. “What are you doing here  anyway?“ I finally decided to look at my chestnut haired friend, her hazel pupils shiny as she was about to cry.

“What a stupid question, Charlie. Did you hit your head? We were worried , of course. Eliot sent me a message and everyone  was murmuring about  him . “ Him and his knightly act. But my mind stopped on a word.

“ We?“ My gaze shifted from Mash to Angie a couple of times. Angie laughed, probably thinking I was still dizzy from my sleep. I felt a pressure on the small of my back, Eliot’s warm hand pulling me back by my shirt.

“Wanna come in?” Well, it was my house, but I thanked Eliot in my head  for saving me from that situation.

When did Mash and Angie become an “us”? Was it only to not exclude him or because he really was worried? I couldn’t believe it anyway, he barely spoke to me twice, he had no reason to be. I moved from the door entrance, leaning gently on Eliot’s chest who was right beside me. Rushing to the door didn’t help after all, and he warned me as well.

Angie strolled inside casually and Mash followed, after a long look at Eliot. What, they  spoke in their mind ? Was that something angel s  do ?

“Are you okay?” Blonde curls got in my vision field, his head lowering near mine, whispering in my  ear. His hand moved to my shoulder, as to stabilize me. Sometimes I wished we had feelings for each other, he would be the best boyfriend. But it was like there was an invisible wall dividing those feelings between us.

I nodded firmly. I realized I felt awkward since the two appeared , but I had no reason to listen to this feeling, I just needed to spend time with t hem as usual. I wasn’t sick or anything, but maybe I really needed to sleep more.

“What about we watch some movies? We have nothing to do anyway, right?” Angie cheerful voice came from the sofa, where she was  sat next to Mash. I wanted to be honest with her, but I wasn’t able to bring those thought to words: she was different. I didn’t know how, but lately, and specially right now with Mash she felt very distant from me. Was it just me? Was she that focused on trying to get with Mash that she would put me aside?

I  jolted my head as  that would help my thought to  vanish. Maybe I was being paranoi d. In the end she was just trying to make me feel better and relaxed. There was nothing bad going on. Even if I had a bad feeling .

“You’re right. I’ll grab some snacks.” I turned to Eliot, whose eyes were still locked on me . W as he worried my brain would collapse on me? “It’s fine. I’ll  go to sleep earlier tonight.” Then again, I wasn’t tired. But alert.

I left for the kitchen, grabbing a bag of popcorn from one of the cabinets. I felt lighter after leaving them alone. Was something wrong with me? Those days felt so heavy on my shoulders, as my heart was getting squished from something, someone. Was that all in my mind? Or because I met him? I needed to chill for a second. Too many things were happening and I wanted to stop everything.

When I poured the bag into a  bowl, I heard steps behind me, heavy and determined.

“ Does what we talked about this morning have something to do with this?” His low voice made my insides vibrate. I  froze on spot , the bag still in  mid-air .

“I wish I knew that.” I whispered, sighing.

“Did you say something?”

“Ah, no, no. That was just something I was reading the other night  and I was wondering how the character felt. But I guess it’s impossible for such a thing to happen.” I  forced a laugh, I would sound crazy,  but how could I even explain myself ? And I promised Eliot I wouldn’t talk about it, since it was connected in a way. It’s not like Mash would understand anyway, he would think I’m crazy for real.

“Ooh, maybe you think too much.” His mocking tone was back, but I was thinking the same. Please, world, stop. I threw the empty bag away, ready to get to the sofa and enjoy some wasted time. “Did you get an idea for a new concept?” he continued, when I was in front of him, his firm body blocking the kitchen arch towards the living room.

It was true I thought about it. The wooden cabin. An angel trapped inside.  Not that I confirmed he was an angel.  Was it really a good idea? I wanted to try. I looked straight into his eyes,  his serious face nearly annoyed me.

“Maybe.” I said to Mash, stepping over him to reach my friends.

Eliot was an angel, Angie was trying to go out with Mash but she wasn ’t even t elling me anything about it. Was I not allowed to know how she felt? Was she doing something I wasn’t supposed to know? And Mash... his eyes were too inquisitive,  he creeped me out. But from the way he talked, I was sure he knew something. Perhaps, about Eliot? Was I not alone?

Ugh, why  was everyone hiding things from me?


	8. Revolve

_ Friday,  _ _ 17 _ _ th _ _ September _

Let’s roll back in time.

What actually happened after Angie and I  gathered after our night excursion? Nothing. She found nothing, and I kept my mouth shut about what I saw, who I saw.

I felt scared that if I said anything , she would rip my dreams into pieces. That she would n’t help me, but steal it from me. Was I that negative towards her and jealous? Was I that possessive? I guessed the answer was  _ yes _ .

What happened in those two weeks that just passed? Nothing, again.

Kind of. Not for me, at least.

I took my time and thought, thought many and many times. But I couldn’t get anywhere. I analysed everything.

After that normal day spent  relaxing all the four of us , I barely spoke to  Angie . I never found her in the club room when I went before o r after classes. I would see her in the corridors, in and out the rooms. But she barely spoke to me. The only thing I noticed different? She was always following Mash. I gu ess ed she was able to get noticed by him. I felt bad, to be honest. Being set aside from your best friend because she was too occupied to  drool for a guy whose vibes weren’t positive. I thought that if that would happen , she would keep me  updated. In the end, it was a common quest to find angels or fallen angels  amongst us. Maybe she was like me, and didn’t want me to find her angel, if he was one . But  how? He was nothing like Eliot. At the same time, I was  the one hiding Eliot from Angie. Was that how  our friendship would end? When things became reality, we would find  one each and be jealous over it? Something was smelly. But I could never find a moment to steal Angie and talk. But I had to. Sooner better than later. As she was disappearing, the relationship between Mash and I was stepping back at  “we don’t even notice each other”. I was disappointed. I was actually looking forward to show him my art, but that day never happen. I wanted  to know  his thoughts on them .

While Eliot...  was the only anchor for me now. He was the one spending his time with me in the club room and sometimes even  having dinner with me when mom wasn’t home.  I was  pretty sure he realized I felt lonely without Angie and I was closing in myself. But truth be told, I wasn’t. I had a freaking angel by my side that since that day was  eve n  more fond with me. Was he feeling himself better after getting that out? I was extremely happy to have him with me.

And with that, I ha d n’t dreamed him again. Were we done? Did I make the hooded figure run from me because I scared him when I forced him to see his face? I couldn’t understand totally. But I did wrong in the end. Or maybe, was he waiting for me to go back in that place in real life? Was he there and not in my dreams anymore? I didn’t know.

“ So, how did you grow up with me? Were you an angel since then?“ I asked Eliot, sitting in his side on the couch.  He was keeping me company, once again.

“ I guess you can call  that hypnosis, but reverse. It wasn't everybody seeing me as a child, but me showing as  one .“ I  passed him a glass of water, raising one eyebrow at him. Angels  amazed me once again.

“So you were older already... How old are you? For what I know, you're twenty like me. “

“ Mh ... I stopped counting ages ago. Maybe  ten times that? More?“ I gaped at him, did he live  for  centuries and couldn’t remember? Maybe too many memories stored up would end up forgotten.

“I'll need to call you gramps from now on.”

“Don't you dare, Charlie.“

“Ah, sorry I offended you, old man.“ I smiled at him, pinching his forearm .

“I’ll erase your memory of me being an angel.”

“What? Can you do that?”  He then smiled at my surprised face.

“No, but we can manipulate minds. Not that I’ve done it.” I  crossed my legs under my body , turning to him.

“Tell me more!” I felt my eyes shining for excitement, it wasn’t a  daily thing to hear such abnormal stuff. And I was down to learn everything I could.

“I said too much. You’re like a child in a sweet shop.” He said placing a hand all over my face, as to push me away.

“And you’re my  favourite candy.” I mocked him sticking out my tongue to  lick his hand so he would move it. And so he did.

“Are you hitting on me?” He exclaimed  grabbing and pinching both my cheeks and pulling gently. Lately we became closer  than ever before. He was more open with me and tender , and I didn’t mind. I enjoyed our close relationship even more, and treasured it. I smiled innocently  holding his wrists.

“Let me  gooo .” I whined between his hands.  He let me free bu t I didn’t leave his hands. His face became serious.

“Did you talk to Angie lately?”

“Not at all, did you?” I said drawing circles with my thumbs on his soft , warm  palms.

“She never looked at me once , even when we  were all together. I barely spoke to Mash either , apparently she always tri es to keep him away from talking to me.”

“Why?” I never thought about it, did Angie dislike Eliot?

“You tell me.  I stopped Mash once, but he didn’t say anything about her.”

“I never realized Angie never talked to you. Maybe because I was the one always in between. ” I stopped my fingers and left the grip on him. I always had them so close but never watched the relationship between the two. But it was true, Angie  rarely nominated Eliot in front of me.

“I think she always thought I had second motives to stay with you. At least that’s what I think.” That sounded absurd, but I guess she didn’t know I  grew up with him and , as he was an angel, I knew he had always been like this : k ind and warm.

“Can you not read her mind?” That would have helped a lot.

“ Do you think I’d ask you about it if I could do that? S ounds too easy.” I pouted at his  surliness . Fair enough.

“Oh, how did you and Mash meet, anyway?”

“When I was  working a couple of years ago  in that company out of the city.” Ah, right. He was able to get a chance to work in the fields  as an apprentice producer in a small indie company. While he was already planning for the future, even as an immortal being as far as I knew,  I was still stuck in my bedroom with my art. I was still thinking that Mash wasn’t just someone he met casually, but if that was what Eliot wanted me to think , I’d go with that , for now.

At my long silence he spoke again. “Is your mom coming home tonight?”

I nodded. “Do you want to stay for dinner? It’s been so long since you’ve seen each other.” I suggeste d. I wanted to cook for her tonight, and Eliot was going to be handy in the kitchen. Mom would appreciat e his company as much as I did.

~~~

The night was busier than usual. When I thought people were going to stay home and study for the exams closing by ,  it seemed like the other way  a round.  Tim was busy with orders and training in the meantime the new barman, Simon. He  looked quiet and serious in  his job , h e didn’t sound like a bad worker. I was serving at the counter as fast but precise as possible,  the customers becoming more and more... drunk. How I hated this view. I never liked drinking, but  if I could get money while serving people, I would do it until my last day. It was a decent paid job after all.

“Charlie,  take this to table eight.”  The white-haired  Tim called me from the kitchenette area where  Shallie was preparing  simple but filling snacks to share.  _ You can’t drink if you don’t eat _ , that’s what  he always sa id . First we offer food, then alcohol.

On my way back to the counter I was stopped by a group of three guys, fairly drunk if I could say. It was fine until they finished to order their refills, but then things escalated a little.

“ What else can you offer out the menu?” Is what he said, confusing me , not a  little bit, but a lot.

“I’m afraid that’s all we have.” I tried to cover myself, I had no idea what he was talking about. But then I felt it.

His hand slipped under the table,  reaching for the back of my  thigh ,  ready to make its way up to the shirts under the skirt. I tried to bulge fr om it , taking a step back, but he pushed me back towards the edge of the table. I took a deep breath, having a scene was not the best idea .

“I’m very sorry you’re not happy with our menu, but we don’t do any extra or special services here, we’re a small bar.” I responded looking down, not brave enough to meet  the guy’ stare, I was scared to snap his  attitude and make things worse. I hated my job when it was time to face difficult customers.

“ I don’t think you understand.” He  sneered, as I didn’t know what he was talking about. But his hands were enough , I wasn’t that stupid if I was being  harassed .

I opened my mouth again, maybe I was the one about to snap. But before I could say a word, a hand slammed on the table, spilling  some beverage from the overfilled  glasses .

“The lady has been clear. Maybe you don’t understand.” My face instantly rotated up, meeting a cold dark stare directed to the explicit guy . Long time no see, spiky hair.

“It’s alright .” I murmured to him, trying to not get things bigger int o a fight.

“Ah? And who are you supposed to be?” Asked the  guy to Mash, who wasn’t even looking at me.

“ Boyfriend or not  won’t change. Get your hands off her if you don’t want mines on you.” I felt his hand grabbing  the other guy’s wrist and his arm wrapped  around my waist,  getting me out of range. I shivered once,  feeling  Mash’s cold hand over the uniform’s fabric. At the touch the  violent guy seemed to calm down, hopefully realizing that what he did was wrong. He stayed quiet, as Mash  escorted me back to the counter, taking his hand off only once I was b ack at my p la ce behind  everyone.

“You didn’t have to. What are you doing here?” I asked when I saw him sit in front of me. I haven’t seen him in here since  the missing case of the  lion girl. I gave for granted he was spending time with Angie.

“You’re supposed to say thank you, Charlie.” He smirked back at me, pointing at a glass  so I would serve him.

“Sorry... I mean, thank you. I know I said you didn’t have to do anything but to be honest I was quite panicking so you just saved my butt, literally.” He laughed quietly at my honest response but it was true. I was really glad he was able to sort everything without getting into a fight and  damage the bar reputation. His eyes were warmer in the lights now , for how much he creeped me out sometimes, it was still enjoyable to talk to him. He was weird, and I didn’t mind.

“You’re alright, are you?”

“Yes, just a fast touchy touch,  very uncomfortable, but  nothing I can’t recover from. Certainty not if it was my virginity.” I placed a hand in front of my mouth as soon as the words left. Crap, I didn’t mean to say that loud. I felt  my face  warm immediately, his surprised face meant more tha n words. He let out a huge laugh, but I couldn’t tell if he  thought I was ridiculous ly stupid or just amused but my honesty . But when  I was around him , I fe lt free to talk with no barriers, even if I knew he was a stranger, it was a strange feeling , indeed.

~~~

“ They left right after, there’s no need to see me off, you know.” I  said shutting the thick black door behind  us , at the back of the bar.

The  grit car  park was pitch black that night, the only light coming from two small lamps on the wall of the  building.

He shrugged,  scouring the land with his dark eyes. Was he that protective? That was a new sight. I chuckled at his childish expression, glad he was a nice company. I started to see why Angie wanted to know him.

“But it feels nice to have someone looking after you.” I admitted, looking at my feet, now in my  comfy shoes. His eyes flied to me when I turned my gaze up , his mouth slightly gaping . D id I surprise him? He smirked,  slipping his hands in his black jeans back pockets.

“Your knight in shining  armour would be jealous to hear that.” I cocked my head to one side. 

“Who?” But then I realized. “You mean Eliot?”  I asked twice  with a gentle laugh. It would be amusing to see him jealous over something.

“ Is he taking good care of you ?” He briefly asked,  his voice thin in the silent night. I looked at him,  not excepting a question like that. Did he see how we spent a lot more time together as Angie ran to him? I sighed , looking back down, my feet pacing to the small car.  I noticed a black motorbike a couple of spaces from it, was it Mash’s? 

“ Like always .” I whispered, when we stopped near the vehicle. I turned to him  to ask the next question that floated  in my mind, as we were talking about them. But before that,  my eyes froze on his hands, clutched into fists on his sides. Did I say something wrong? Did I anger him?  By wh at? Talking about Eliot? I ignored it, raising my  eyes  back into his,  sc anning me from above. They gleamed into darkness,  a warm spark directed into my  insides . He was attractive, nothing to say. But his eyes were something really interesting.

“How’s Angie?” I finally spoke, breaking the silent . He blinked twice, as  if  he was  spellbound looking at me.

“Have you not spoke to her?” He asked innocently and he meant it. He probably was just thinking she was wandering around him in her free time.

“Pf,  the more I try to talk to her the more she avoids me.” I spat true words, how I was feeling inside, insecure of how she felt for me now that she placed some space between us.

“Oh, I didn’t see this one coming.”

“Sorry?” He laughed at me, enjoying himself more than I could imagine. 

“Do you miss her?” He placed a hand on the driver’s window, right on my side,  half  caging me  between him and the car. I didn’t expect that and I jolted back, my bum touching the cold metal frame.

“I -I don’t know. I’m happy she enjoys her time with you, but I’m not used to spend time at school without her.”

“You sure about that?  Isn’t it more like, you’re just looking for an excuse to have her on  your side,  because that’s how things have been in the past years ? But I feel like you  don’t even feel the change now that  she’s  gone, is that how useless she  is  for you? It’s not like you’re alone anyway . ”

I  stared at him speechless. My face going blank, shocked. No, I wanted to say.  She was my friend . We knew each other. Why must there be a reason for me to stay with her?  It didn’t make sense. Wasn’t it normal to miss a friend? Why was he saying such things to me? We supported each other for these years as we could freely share our deepest  passion that other people would look bad at us.

But then... have I ever done something special for her  alone? What about Eliot? Was I  the one useless to them? Was I giving them for granted as they were my only friends, and never  realized they would leave me because they had no reason to stay with me? Why was a reason needed in a relationship? Why, why, why.

Why was I thinking something so complicated  right now, after his words ignited me? 

“Ah, that expression is great. I’ll be busy tonight.” His warm, low voice brought me back to him . But yet I  had not spoken a word back. A cruel grin was  smoothed all over his face . He enjoyed stirring my thoughts into a loop with no answers I  could give myself.

The hand that was blocking me moved onto my head, patting me slightly. Why was he acting like this? What were his  reasons? I felt his slender fingers between my hair , in a gentle caress. I closed my eyes under the cold touch.

“Good work tonight. See you.”

I did nothing. I stood there. Immobile, my eyes shut, until I heard the motor  rumble fade far away.

Why did his coldness warm my insides?  Why did everything need a reason? I didn’t know.


	9. Resolution

_ Monday, 20th September _

_ I couldn’t escape my thoughts, even in my dreams. _

_ For once, I was early. Hoarfrost crystals were flying like dust in the night, the moonlight shining through the small pond adjacent to the wooden cabin. I felt cold, but why? Did I leave the window open when I fell asleep? I could sense frost slowly growing on my skin, as if I was to freeze on the spot. Maybe that was my input to move and get inside. _

_ Was this how the scenery looked like if I was to go back to the same place tonight? It felt magical, but I could sense I was dreaming. I wasn’t breathing, the air was empty. It’s been so long since I last had this dream, longer than ever. What would happen tonight? Would he be there as well? Would he forget what happened in real life? I wasn’t sure. Could I be scared of dreaming? Was it possible for them to be two different people? No... I didn’t want to think that. _

_ I stood up. I didn’t want the dream to end tonight. I got used to his warm body enveloping mine as he protected me from my fears. It was inevitable, I got affectioned to him. He was there even before Eliot was, but I always kept him in a cage in a corner of my head. Not anymore. Realizing that I could grab that person with my hand, holding onto him, felt too good to be real. It happened once, I wanted it to happen again, and again. Mash, is there a need to have a reason to stay with someone? Do you want me to say I like the person I dream of? I love him? Maybe. Who knows? It’s not like I could fall in love with someone by not talking to him and getting to know him. Too fishy and  _ _ unbelievable _ _.  _

_ But what he said was also true. Not regarding Angie, but this hooded dream. What did I feel when I thought of not having that person near me again? Hatred? Loneliness? Sadness? Abandonment? Yes, I felt lonely, but I was also ready to accept it. Maybe I was too pessimist, not caring if someone wanted to leave me, walking past me as it didn’t touch me at all. Was I that cold? No. Not now. Now I wanted to have him. I wanted to hold him close. Held my dream close, as the most precious thing I’ve ever found in my existence. It was my secret I admitted to Eliot once. And I was going to be selfish. I had to let him know. Even if I would end up talking alone. I knew he was listening to me. _

_ Was I getting paranoid by all this thinking? Maybe. _

_ But then I was there. And I gulped, feeling more  _ _ insecure _ _ than I thought. _ _ That was it. I had to move. _

_ I sled in the small gap left by the ajar door, the breeze following me. I took a deep breath, my sight stabilising on the darkness deep inside the cabin. The dark silhouette was on the same place I found it days ago, his back resting this time on the humid wall, aside the table.  _

_ “You made me wait.” His crossed arms fell, hanging down his sides. I froze on the spot, as if the frost from earlier finally seized me. Did I hear right? But what I felt wasn’t surprise, no. I felt my blood boiling in my veins, overflowing with rancour, a wave of wrath replenishing my nerves.  _

_ “You must be kidding me, right?” _ _ Oh, so now my mind was playing with me giving a voice to my hooded dream, when he clearly  _ _ noted that he couldn’t, or maybe, wouldn’t _ _ talk. _ _ What  _ _ did change? Was the  _ _ event of meeting _ _ in real life a _ _ twisting _ _ factor _ _ in his life? In both our  _ _ lives _ _? _ _ Was he _ _ busy to find a way to talk to me? I  _ _ was grateful if that was the case, but approaching me like that, as the first thing you say to me? Oh, you snapped me hard. _

_ “So _ _ , what _ _ is happening? Why are there no nightmare? Why _ _ are you talking to me? _ _ Why were you  _ _ there that night? Where have you been?” _

_ “You sure have a lot to say to someone who  _ _ has always been there for you. Is that how you repay me _ _? With anger _ _?” _

_ I raised my eyebrows,  _ _ at loss of words,  _ _ his tongue sharper than mine. I wasn’t used to fight someone, but I couldn’t fall, I had to know. I sighed, maybe we both were bad at expressing ourselves.  _

_ “Then, why is today different?” _

_ I saw the hood shift, his head turning to me. He raised a hand towards me, palm up, inviting me in the place I must felt secure, and that would never change. I arrived to him, nervously reaching his hand with mine, which he grabbed firmly, his slender cold fingers tapping my skin gently. I could sense it as it was in real life. _

_ I had no more doubt, he was the real deal, the one I met meat and bones, wide awake.  _ _ One touch that could reveal more than anything. _

_ I couldn’t see his face, but I was not even complaining anymore. I tighten my grip in return but stopped myself there. If I was to get too close to him my brain would melt and I wouldn’t be able to get what I wanted. Who knew if he could talk every time in the future? _

_ “I might have pushed things a little bit far.” He answered, twisting my fingers between his, gently playing. His other arm reached for my waist, pulling me to him, but I was able to stand by placing my palms flat on his chest, leaving his hand. _

_ “So, will you answer all my questions now?” I asked seriously. I was trying to not let myself go and get cuddled like every night, but it was hard. His broad chest was inviting me very intensely and to be honest, I now wanted to leave everything and sleep. In the end, having my sleep time so heavy on my mind wasn’t the best. But I had to keep myself awake,  _ _ figurately _ _. _

_ “Let’s make a deal: one question each night. We don’t have unlimited time. Time is ticking, Charlie.” _

_ I focused on his voice. _ _ Muffled, as something was covering, hiding his face. Soft, but hard at the same time, was he trying to be considerate to the girl he’s been  _ _ comforting _ __ _ all  _ _ her _ _ existence? _ __ _ I felt  _ _ teased. On one side _ _ , it sounded famil _ _ iar _ _ , as a corner of my mind wanted to _ _ persuade me it was an _ _ epiphany _ _ ,  _ _ recalling memories _ _ I might have forgotten. Or was it all a trick? _

_ If, according to my supposition, he was an Angel, was he able to trick my mind, as Eliot said? If so, I had to be wary. Hearing his voice for the first time made me unease. I had to get used to it anyhow, maybe I was just startled, surprised, but I suppressed those feelings too impulsively, raging badly at him. _

_ He was two completely polar opposites. His acts were lovely, his voice mock. Which one was the true? What if both? I wanted to believe the first. Acts can show more that words, people can express themselves differently. Not being able to express properly is also something I should consider, considering we never spoke to each other before. What have we done to change us? To change fate and dreams? _

_ Where did all my resolution go?  _

_ “How do you know my name?” I whispered, leaning closer to his face, still shadowy. The place was quiet, as expected. _

_ “Do you really think I wouldn’t know your name all those years? It’s a dream, Charlie.” The way he tickled my name with his tongue made me shiver inside, a warm blanket laid on me. It sounded reassuring; it soothed my soul. All my angry attitude and thoughts flew away, as they never appeared. _

_ “Who are you? How do you know me for so long?” His free hand moved up, cupping my nape as he used to do to calm me. I shivered cold, as his fingertips sent needles down my back every time he did that. _

_ “The deal. I answered one question already.” I frowned, looking angrily at him. Teasing was a euphemism. Did he mean we were running out of time for tonight? _

_ The moment I nodded, the nightmare was back, as a lightning struck nearer than usually. I jolted in front of me, knowing he would cover me, and so he did: his arms embracing me  _ _ completely, my hands clenching on the black fabric on his body. _

_ “How do I know you Charlie? Someone has been protecting you for so long, did it really surprise you? Deep inside, I’m pleased.”  _

_ As the rain started pouring outside, he pecked my head, a delicate breath hovering my hair. It felt natural. _

_ ~~~ _

I scratched my eyes, careful not to move or smudge my contact lenses and mascara, my eyelids feeling heavy. I felt like I had no sleep, and I kind of knew the reason why. Damn dreams. Like I could live without. 

I gathered my hair in a high ponytail, looking at the laptop screen; I was able to reproduce the cabin and its pond, but I had no clue of what hue to use to colour. I’ve seen that place so many times but still couldn’t understand the best colours to portrait it. And I couldn’t ask anyone, in the end, it was my secret place. Mine and… I didn’t know his name. Maybe that was the best question for next time, instead of keep calling him “hooded” whatever. 

I grunted, shutting the machine off. I had to go back there. I couldn’t remember any colour from my dreams. Like a black and white painting, but tinted in red, like his eyes. And that night was too dark. I wanted to see it in the daylight, or I wouldn’t be able to finish and get on with my next piece, like I had any idea of what that would be. But for now, break time. 

I jumped on my feet as the door slammed open, chestnut hair having their own gravity as Angie strolled in the room. She was… back? I really wanted to know what happened on those weeks we didn’t talk. 

“It’s back! My brain is back !”

I furrowed my brows, bursting into a laugh the next moment. There was no need to be confused, and I understood immediately what happened. 

“So what?” I said giggling  trying to compose myself back. 

“You don’t know how much I wanted to come baaack!” She jogged to me and hugged me tight on my neck. “I had no inspiration at all, I felt so empty and I just didn’t want to come here and affect you with my apathy, I know you’re always working hard and I didn’t want to let you down, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. Charlieee, I missed you.”

I patted her messy head, smiling comprehensive. I knew exactly how she felt.  It happened to me sometimes and I would do the same, maybe I was luckier to have a person in my dreams always keeping my hamster in the wheel in my brain run. 

“It took you longer, I was worried.” She sniffed on my shoulder; in a fake crying tone.

“But  but but – I have a great idea! Mash really helped me!” I felt the corners of my mouth fell. Of course, it was him. I tried to not think about him and his words, but a cloud was now formed in my mind, tempesting me with his doubtful questions and assumptions. Everything was blurry. I tried to toss that out. 

“So? What did you do with him?” I asked gently  swinging her in my arms . We both needed a girly cuddle sometimes. 

“Not much to be honest, I did ask him out some times but it’s like he isn’t on this planet, his head always in the clouds. It heard me after I repeated myself so I was very happy he said yes.” She got out of my hug and sat on her place in front of me. I reached for my earlier destination to make some tea for me and a coffee for Angie.

“And the idea came from...?” I let the question fly unfinished, pouring sugar in my mug. It was true I was curious, but listening her being with Mash made my insides prickle. I still couldn’t understand him, and I didn’t trust him.

“Right. We went out eating during lunch some days, nothing fancy. He didn’t talk at all if not answering my questions, but like monosyllables? Maybe he just doesn’t feel at ease with me, yet.”

“And how do you feel about him after this?”

“I don’t know. It’s like I’m trying to reach something I can’t see.” I get back to my seat with both mugs in hands. She thanks me and start her  natter again.

“But! That’s when the idea came from! Also, thanks to mum for the excuse. My mum got four tickets for a theme park near the city, and I realised I wanted to change my writing contents for a little, adding more spice, you know? Who wants to read fantasy and bloodshed every time, we need to spice up those stories! It’s weird now that I think that I never write about actual romance me being like this, but.” I panickily lifted and waved a hand in front of her face. She was a  train; you could see we didn’t talk for a long time.

“Wait  wait wait- where are you heading to?” I looked at her confused, I got to the point she wanted to add romance in her stories, and that actually made me happy, it was a new turn for her. But what did that have to do with the tickets for a theme park?

“Easy. Double date it is.”


	10. Date

_ Wednesday,  _ _ 22th _ _ September _

I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe I was actually involved in all of this. Why me of all the friends she has? Was I that special? Or maybe the real reason was that as I’m not interested in relationships, I would be a really good third wheel with Eliot and not get in the way with her plan with Mash? I didn’t want to think so bad of her, but it was an innate thought. I cherished her a lot, as my only female friend, but negative thoughts were always storming in my head, no real reason. Inside I knew it wasn’t like this, at least, partially.

I didn’t know what was worse: having to see Angie flirt with Mash, or being forced to dress cutely for Eliot. 

“I didn’t know I got myself a cute girlfriend without knowing.” He downhearted me, trying to keep his smirk  small and don’t laugh at me.  Of course , he found it funny for me to be in this kind of situation. 

“Shut up, I’m so embarrassed. I want to go home.” I glared at him as an answer, pulling the back of the skirt down to cover myself. 

I wish I never listened to Angie’s advices in  clothes. The white pleated skirt I was wearing was barely covering my bum, keeping me alert to keep an eye on it in case I flash someone with my  pale buttcheeks and dotted red panties. The top wasn’t as bad as  the bottom , but not as good as I wished. The light pink  frilly  no  shoulders top made it easier to see my cleavage, something I haven’t seen for a while either.  I felt like a candy doll.  At least I was able to  come down to  compromises and wear my black platform shoes and not heels. But instead, I had Angie style my hair  half tied up in lovely curls.  Let’s be real, I didn’t hate to be  taken care of, I felt cute and loved, but being outside  like that? It was pure hell.  Luckily , I had a go with light  natural  make-up and Angie didn’t try to go for the full porcelain doll look. 

“C’mon, you look really cute, Charlie . Be more  conscious and secure  of yourself.” He gently smiled at me. He was right, probably.

“I hate you. You just dressed normally.” I pointed back at his white shirt and black jeans, completed by black sneakers. Classic Eliot never hurt. We looked the complete opposite. The dark and the pastel type. And even with platforms, I couldn't reach his height. Maybe that was a good thing, it might have looked weird.

“So what?”

“You didn’t go through Hell like me. You look good even with nothing on. I want to spank you.” I blundered out with a small sigh.

“Well that was a lot to take in- I guess thank you? Wait- was that a new kink just now? Did your new style discovered a new side of you?” He laughed doing a step forward, behind a spiky and a chestnut head.

“What-“ I turned the opposite side, towards the queue behind us, blushing . I  talked without even realising the weight of  those words, Lately I’ve been bluntly telling things  too honestly. We were  not even inside yet , it was going to  be a long day indeed. 

~~~

Roller coaster. Caramelised apples. Frisbee.  Candyfloss . Water Slide.  Freefall . I was still shaking after all those high height experiences. I had to add height to my fear list from today on. Great. We did alternate with more arcade games, but those earlier left a bigger impression.

I sighed, my legs trembling, but I hid a smile. In the end it was funny, of course. Who wouldn’t have fun with their best friends at an amusement park? 

“You sure know how to shoot. Do you play  videogames often?” Mash asked me sipping from his coffee straw.

“Mh? Not at all. I always wanted to play  videogames but I guess I barely have time for what I do. That was pure luck.” I giggled, resting my back on the table bench. It was luck, but let’s admit I did some good shots in order to win a giant pink bear plus, which  was  now resting in the small wardrobe we left all our belongings  in  this morning.

“No kidding, you nailed it. I think the  guy thought the weapon wasn’t tricked enough.” Eliot added, making me laugh.  Indeed, I left him speechless. 

I  looked  over Angie who was busy on her phone. For the day I never once looked at how things were going between the  two  in front of me. I just focused on having fun with the bunch, but I was talking with Eliot more, guess why.  Her bright hair was tied up in a high ponytail, a floral dress and a  leather jacket to complete the look. I didn’t know if she  was trying to fit into Mash’ style, but she was cute anyway . Her olive  tanned skin really made the look stand,  the thick eyeliner enlarging her round puppy hazel eyes. She was completely different from me, but that’s how we are.

She  bounced on her feet, Mash gaping at her on the side ,  holding  the straw with only his tongue . That was quite a view for a new face pose. 

“ Okaaay . Dinner is done,  let’s get going. We still have the madhouse and the Ferris wheel left. C’mon , c’mon.”

“I thought we were done. My legs are collapsing.” I pouted at her energy  refilled after coffee. Maybe that’s what I was missing in my life : a caffeine refill. 

“Want me to piggy back you?” I thought those words came from the blonde beside me, but they came from the dark haired in front of me. I smirked, simply answering “no thanks” and stood up, stretching my back. 

“Ok , ok , let’s go,  I suddenly have some energy remaining in me.” Eliot smiled at me from the seat, glad I didn’t make things weird after Mash’s request. 

The amusement park was as busy as it has been all day: a lot. Apparently , many people won tickets for this exact day. The lamppost created a soft warm mist in the clear  blue sky, the  sun taking its time to go behind the horizon. A new landscape unlocked for my  art.

Mash and Angie went in first, the staff recommending being in couples instead of groups, or that was what Angie said before entering herself.  I stayed close to Eliot, outside and inside the house. I confess I was also afraid of horror movies and  that  in general. I knew  it was all fake but it still gave me chills. The dark atmosphere, the fli ckering lights, the blood splattered on the walls and under my feet : it gave me  goose bumps, and I was the first to draw  dark images. 

We turned left, hoping that was the right way. I turned back to check on my friend, but what I saw was nothing. Did we part on different ways? I didn’t see an interception or another route out. Or was he planning a joke on me? I should have been the first one to think about it.

“Yo.” I jumped back; a withheld cry clenched between my shut lips. The last thing I wanted was to scream aloud because of an amusement park ride. I slipped on a fake blood patch on the dark floor, nearly falling on my back, if it wasn’t for an arm wrapped tight on my waist, holding my balance with his. Staining that white skirt would cost me a long lecture from both Angie and mom.

“Mash! What are you doing here?” I gasped, placing my palms on his dark purple polo shirt to hold me steady. Our chests nearly touched each other, if it wasn’t for my weird position inclined back by the shoulders. I straightened myself up, the faint light didn’t let me see him in the whole, but I could  recognize his voice, and his face illuminated by the fake wood torches on the walls. 

“Just looking for an exit, isn’t it what we are doing?” He innocently questioned me, obviously. His eyes flickered in the dark, a red tint making its way in his irises.

“Y-yes. I mean, where is Angie?” I asked then, taking a step back from him so he could unravel his hold. He shrugged, moving his arm around me to place a hand on my waist, not leaving me, like that night at my workplace. A part of me felt insecure, being alone with him in a dark place; The other part was glad he did so: it was still better than being by myself, at least until I would meet up with the others. 

I could feel his slender cold fingers softly fondle with the fabric between us, gently tapping and squishing my skin. I would compare it to playing with a squishy toy, I bet he found it funny. I wasn’t bothered by it, but I wanted to know what was going through his head to play in such a moment. I rose an eyebrow to him, waiting patiently for a reply.

“Don’t know. We lost each other a minute ago. I bet it happened here as well.” I nodded, not sure if he could see it. Did that mean that Eliot was now with Angie? I hoped so, even if both of them seemed not scared at all. Actually, the three of them. That made  _ me _ the only one easily frightened. 

“I think I understand why they let us in in couples. Do you remember where did you come from, so we can go a different way?” I asked him turning back to the front where I was heading, I didn’t even  realize all the paths we could go, to me it all looked like one single corridor, I guess others have a better eye than me for this stuff, I would just try to not touch anything and not jump every time something moved.

But I couldn’t hear an answer. Actually, I couldn’t feel his hand anymore either. And when I turned to him, he wasn’t there anymore. How did he leave without me noticing anything? And how so silently? Where to I couldn’t see?

“Mash?” I called him, my voice low and trembling. Not only Eliot, now Mash too? Was Angie the next one? Or was this a plan from all of them to scare the hell out of me? I should stop thinking that. I breathed slowly, the house itself wasn’t scary, the dark was the problem. Being alone in the dark was what made me shiver once again. 

I hugged my shoulders and rubbed my arms to calm down, I had to resist the urge to just walk back, if only I knew it was the same route. I returned on my way straight forward, decisive to get out of there for once. I just had to follow the only way I could see. Easy, right, Charlie?

Apparently, it was. I didn’t know if I was stuck at some weird point or what, but the exit was less than five minutes away from where I met Mash. When I walked through the door towards the light, I looked confused at Eliot, standing there waiting for me, Mash and Angie chatting quietly on the back.

“Charlie! You went to a different path and I couldn’t find you. I thought you went out first but they didn’t let me go back when you weren’t here. Are you okay?” I gaped at Eliot, his concern showing via his voice. I slowly nodded, my arms finally slipping to the sides.

“It’s okay. I also found Mash who was lost. But then we lost each other as well.” I giggled at the very not funny thing I  said. Actually, I had a bad felling of that house, of everything that happened.

“Charlie? You sure you’re okay? Mash was with me all along.” Angie joined from behind the blonde and I stared at her, her eyes covered in a veil of concern. Maybe playing in the dark wasn’t the best for me at all. Screw me trying to get rid of my fears, it was all futile.

“Hah - I guess the dark played some jokes on me...” I said with a quiet giggle, but I wasn’t convinced by my own words. No, what happened there was real, not a prank from the ride. Mash was really there, and the fact that he touched me was the proof, not that I could prove it to anyone except me. But when I looked at him, I had the confirmation. He was looking at me, his dark eyes shining under his layered lashed, a malicious grin printed on his lips. What actually happened inside there?


	11. Wheel

The  Ferris wheel. The most jinxed fairy tale I’ve always read about.  At least in manga.

If you ride it with your crush , he’ll return your feelings. If you kiss  when you reach the top , your love will last forever.  And so on. I wished I was able to believe that romance life could be so easy. 

It was a mere belief, a myth, something not scientifically proved. Yet, as the queue kept getting longer and  bu sy behind us , I got the idea people preferred to believe them instead of  getting their hands dirty and take a proper role in a relationship. Easy saying it was the jinx  that didn’t work . 

I didn’t have any memories of me riding it once, so it was a first. Actually,  the Amusement Park was a first.  I still needed someone to explain why Eliot and I also had to ride it, would it ruin the atmosphere if only Angie and Mash did?

I didn’t mind, but thinking about getting in a tight and should be romantic place with Eliot being both embarrassed as we both knew we didn’t want to be there… felt wrong. 

But anyway, it wasn’t like I could complain, it would be like talking with a wall, or even better, dust.

Two tiny hands gripped my forearm, pulling me back, leaving the two guys in the front chatting.

“How’s it going?” Angie whispered in my ear, to hide our conversation from our companions.

“Mh? Good? About what?” This was the first time Angie talked to me alone today. I knew she was focusing a lot on trying to get into Mash’s head, heart, and most importantly pants, but sparing a moment for me was nice of her.

“Today, did you have fun? How’s Eliot?” She jumped on her feet hastily, perhaps she was nervous about something.

“A lot, thank you for inviting us. I should also thank your mom.”

“No need, she was more than happy.” Her hands were shaky as she played with my arm, squishing it like an anti-stress ball. Was she actually afraid of height?

But also, why everyone looked like having fun squishing my body? Speaking about kinks, Eliot. Now I wanted to know what he also thought about it.

“Are you okay?” Angie closed her eyes and took a deep breath in front of me.

“Actually, I want to confess to Mash.” She said, biting her lower lip. So that was it.

Ah, the Ferris wheel jinx. Blame that if things don’t work out later.

No, I should be happy. She was going to ask him out, so that they would finally be a couple, and I could save me all the trips as a third wheel. But was it sane to be this nervous for a question?

Forget all those supernatural Angels thoughts we had since the beginning. Was she still thinking about it? That Mash was, probably, a Fallen Angel? Well, he had the vibes, and sometimes made me feel like he looked down on us. As he knew something, we, I, didn’t. Maybe it was true. Not that I could prove it though.

For me? When I found myself in front of my friends I didn’t even think about it, as it was supposed to be something only in my head. I couldn’t even feel threatened by their aura, which I thought I would be, as I dreamt and admired them for long.

Maybe I was so used to think about them I couldn’t bring myself to treat them differently then, in real life.

Anyway, Mash wasn’t the type to be forced to say yes to not hurt her feelings. He was straight forward. He would say no, if that was the case. But then again, I wasn’t really sure, who was I to say something about people I barely knew? Back off, Charlie. It’s not your story, you have to be the friend and reassure her.

And comfort her afterwards if the worst happens. 

Why did it sound like I couldn’t think of them as a thing? As I was sure thing wouldn’t work out?

I smiled at her, in the end, I couldn’t understand what she was feeling, not even when reading romance, I couldn’t understand how they felt in the moment of a confession. It was just a thing I had to experience to understand. But, wasn’t that the same for everything?

I gently grabbed a strand of hair falling on her shoulder, wrapping it around a finger to smooth it out.

“It’ll be fine. You broke him today; he won’t be able to say no.”

Like a machine, there was nothing else I could say. I didn’t know what I was talking about, I didn’t spy them and I didn’t know how things were going. But I had to root for her, I didn’t want my negative thoughts to ever meddle with her feelings, that was just cruel and selfish from me. I couldn’t predict a relationship, nether less what both of them were thinking about each other. I didn’t know details, I just did what a friend was supposed to do: support, even without knowing the circumstances.

Or maybe, was me not trying to understand Mash and her better a bad thing as a friend? I just didn’t want to be intrusive. If I was in her place, I honestly wouldn’t like her to be nosy about everything I was feeling and doing with an alleged boyfriend. And having her rooting for me nether the less would push me do the best I could anyway, whatever the outcome.

That wasn’t my time. That was her moment. She nodded and smiled back at me. I was glad she felt relieved to have my support at least.

“Charlie, we’re next.” Eliot called me from further, at the front of the queue.

“Then, I’ll see you later.” I patted her head, like a small docile pet. But it all happened too fast for me to even predict or make a move.

As I walked the space before the entry of the capsule, Eliot crossed over me, rushing back where I left Angie. I turned as he passed me, looking at a trembling Angie, both hands on her temples, as she crumbled on the floor, sustained by Eliot.

But I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t run to her. I was frozen in place, as well as everybody around us, just looking at the couple on the floor.

But someone did something, because a strong and cold hand took mine and pulled me at the start of the queue, across the little gate, inside the capsule.

No words were able to come out. There was too much I was thinking and reacting to.

First, was Angie okay? Was she actually sick after all today but wanted to go all the way through anyway, just for Mash?

She’s been perky all day, always jumping around, happiness sprouted from all pores when she was around. Was she that nervous to faint? Was she scared of actually speaking her feelings out? And I couldn’t help her. Eliot did, the guy I wasn’t sure was an actual friend to Angie, but as kind as he is, he couldn’t not react to her, just like he did when I fainted in front of him.

That yes, I could understand if she was feeling weak from the thought of talking about something important.

Unlike Eliot, someone else did something I wasn’t expecting at all.

Second, why did Mash instead of going to her, tugged me into the capsule? Did I not see or hear the park staff, but he did?

How could a day crumble down like this, in confusion.

I looked down outside, but it was like nothing happened in the last few seconds. Angie and Eliot were normally talking, at the beginning of the queue, ready to pop in a capsule, together. Was that just a moment then? Was she okay now? Maybe she pushed herself too much. I sighed, sitting on the bench opposite the one Mash was on. I couldn’t even formulate all the questions that were soaring in my head. I just looked outside, trying to enjoy the view. And ignore someone.

Did I have to say something? It was awkward, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to him. Talk about Angie? About today? About what just happened or why were we there?

Give me some slack, please. My brain was going to auto combust.

I finally looked over my companion for the ride. He was casually leaning on the bench, his arms spread over the back as if nothing really happened a moment ago. I couldn’t understand him, what he was thinking, what he was planning. Nothing.

But I wasn’t scared either. Rather, curious.

He was serene, looking outside the clear windows all around us. He wasn’t smiling, but just chilled. Was he at ease?

He lifted a hand and ruffled his hair on the back, which has been messy all day. Since the first time I’ve seen him, to tell the truth.

“How are you?” Mash spoke those words in a low tone, enchanting the conversation as an intimate one. He swiftly moved his eyes over me, the pupils looking darker red than usual. It was fascinating how his eyes could change so many different shades with light.

I twisted my fingers together, my hands clasped on my lap.

“Why is everyone asking me that today? I’m good, today was fun.”

That was a very rude answer of me. But it was done. I also didn’t ask about him, but it was too late already.

“Your friend is fine, no need to worry. She played a little too much.” I sighed again, at least I wasn’t the only one trying to reassure myself.

“I hope so. Did  _ you _ have fun?” I finally returned the question, trying to smile, forgetting what happened on the ground earlier.

“I like messing around, so why not.” I tilted my head on a side at his response, but apparently, he always had weird ways of expressing himself, but I didn’t mind.

“G-good to know.” Like always, I couldn’t keep a conversation with him. 

And the embarrassing silence was back. Maybe it was best for us to let it be a silent ride, looking at the scenery which was just coloured dots of lights on a black background. It didn’t really leave an impression.

But how to do it, as we were both staring at each other, as a challenge to see who was the one to talk next. 

I wanted to jump off the capsule.

“Tell me, do you believe in Angels, Charlie?”

He rolled his tongue, tickling my name.

An epiphany.

The ride has just begun.


	12. Will

“Angels, eh? Why do you ask?”

I played dumb, but it was obvious that he already knew. He knew  surely that Angie and I had fantasies drove by supernatural. 

“Isn’t it rude to answer a question with a question?” He rose an eyebrow at me, wielding his head at the back with his hand, his arm folded on the back of the seat.

“Didn’t you just do the same?” I folded my arms, leaning back as well. Such argument with him may have made me more relaxed. Strange, as always. It happened every time: his essence made me very uncomfortable, but once we started talking, I would feel at ease. I didn’t have an answer to why it was like that. Instinct I would say, for once.

“Eh, wasn’t I the first one to ask?” Mash smiled maliciously, still in the middle of the challenge.

“Mh, so what if I do?” I mirrored his eyebrow movement.

“Thing is, that wasn’t even the question. I know you do. The real question is, why?” He ruffled his hair again, like a nervous tic.

“Growing up thinking they exist couldn’t make me think they don’t exist anymore.” I answered straight this time. I turned around that question so many times I finally found an answer.

“Oh- interesting.” he lifted one side of his lips in an entertained grin. “So, are your dreams also a reason?” he pointed at me with his other free hand.

“What about them?” I cocked my head on one side. I remembered talking to him only once about a dream, and it was very vague, as I later lied about it telling it was a story I was reading. Did he know I was lying or could Eliot have said something about them? Not that I told him a lot, just about the actual meeting.

“Did an Angel appear in your dreams? Wouldn’t that be, you know, just a dream? Strange things happen when you sleep that you can’t understand.” The way he was speaking was slow, as to imbue those words in my head. Was he preaching me about how I clung on to my dreams? 

That’s what I thought at the beginning too, Mash. 

“No, it really was. I don’t think it’s normal to have such control, like living a secondary life.” I tried to explain, but what was he trying to get out of all this? Just innocent curiosity?

He overlapped one leg onto the other, his ankle over the opposite knee, completely laxed. Did he enjoy being atop of the world? On that ride that seemed never-ending? Keeping eye contact made me forget of where we were, and how long we’ve been in here. Also, how long we would be in here alone.

“How do you know it’s not all in your head?” Mash spun his forefinger around, still pointing at me. “A fantasy you created for yourself to excuse your belief?” He licked his lips, slowly. He was hiding a harsh smile. “In the end, no one can prove if you're right or not.”

He rose on his feet, tucking his hands deep in his trousers’ front pockets, and sat next to me, his leg brushing mine lightly.

Never losing contact between each other’ sight, I followed each of his movements with the corner of my eyes, studying how flexible and gentle his motions actually were, unlike his appearance. He was somehow gracious.

“We're talking gentle, no? I won’t stop your inhibition, are you scared to talk about it?”

I thought for a moment about his words. No, I wasn’t. I just didn’t want to feel awkward with people not understanding what I was actually talking about, in terms of supernatural. 

Let's be honest: that actually excited me. Someone beside Angie, who knew more than me, and Eliot, who just accepted everything I said, wanted to get into this pseudo world of my imagination which then became reality. Was he doing this only to tease me or for real? That, I couldn’t read his mind.

Even if in the end I didn’t know how far I could go with the talking with him, I still wanted to talk about it.

“I met one in real life. The one from my dreams.” I bit my lower lip, crossing the line between fantasy and reality with someone else.

I didn’t know what to except from him. Not at all.

As a matter of fact: he surprised me. I literally threw open my eyelids, shocked. The most genuine and spontaneous smile was painted on his lips, his eyes squeezed when his eyebrows knitted in the middle upwards.

Shocked, but confused. Was that a gentle face, or the face of someone who was trying not to laugh?

“And that’s what that question meant that morning on the phone. Not a casual story, but you. You didn’t want to confuse me with such nonsense, right? I appreciate that, just don’t do it.” He whispered, leaning sideways nearer my face, and I never saw his face up this close, not even that morning we bumped into each other. Well, Lily and I did.

He was close, far way too close that he should. Not that there was an actual limit. Intimate limit, yes. But I couldn’t even draw a line about it, he was free to be as close as far as he considered right, within my consent.

My breathing went quiet and steady, but my heart started pounding like crazy. If we didn’t break contact all this time, now it was even more profound. I could see his eyes closer, unlike the day I first had a look at him from distant.

His lashes were so thick I was jealous, but framed his eyes too well to not go unnoticed. His pupils were mutilated-like, the colour so deep red I couldn’t understand what was going on with them and why. It felt unnatural, but I was drawn to them. His leaned body came under my face, so he was looking up to me.

I parted my lips to say something, breaking the eye contact to move my gaze onto his lips, parted as well, still the same cute grin on them.

Did I just say he was cute about something? I did and it was. The full but thin lips that I could touch with mine if I was just to lean a tiny bit forward, but I wouldn’t. Those lips that I couldn’t read the smile on. Those lips I... wanted to reach. 

Angie, is that how it feels to maybe be attracted by someone? Just the minimum though, it was a new feeling for me. Maybe it was just my brain still fantasizing and trying to recreate and connect to such unknown feelings into the real world.

“What kind of dreams did you dream? Would you tell me? Were they appalling? The happy ever after? Or were they, perhaps... pleasurable? Maybe... I’ll make them come true.”

I stared deeply at each movements his lips did, flowing smoothly into each sound and word. Those words came out so noiseless I felt them reverberate in my head.

I looked back at his irises, now so shiny and bright red I thought I was imagining them, an illusion I made from my images of dreams. From that one time I saw them eyes concrete. 

I was hypnotized, my head running back and grabbing the last thought I wanted to become reality.

Ah, I felt so mocked.

I knew it. He faked. He sure knew what we were talking about. He believed what I was saying. He knew more than I did, distorting everything I thought I was thinking. 

He pretended to be ignorant.

Just to have fun.

“I can’t wait to see your dark fire ignite, Charlie. It’ll be fun. So please, entertain me.”


End file.
